Friday, November 28, 2008

Black Friday Reflections

Okay so do you see a theme happening here? I'm reflecting today

Okay so before I start this, lets get a couple of things out of the way...

Yes, I am a bargain shopping fiend and I start planning my Black Friday shopping on the Monday of that week (that's when the Walmart sales ad comes out)

Yes, I am the crazy lady who is at Walmart at 430am stocking my cart before the sale technically starts.

Yes, I am a type A personality and I made an extensive excel spreadsheet with stores, prices, who it's from and who the presents are for. See my example below. Yes, I am THAT crazy.




Yes, I am the person who stands in the long line outside of Target waiting for them to open.

Yep, that's me. Okay I feel so much better now that I got that off my chest. Now, I can truly start reflecting on my shopping frenzy today.

I love Black Friday. Black Friday is not a day for browsing and people in the stores that are browsing during the sales just get on my nerves. But that's me. Black Friday shopping is truly a sport and not to be undertaken if you aren't serious about finding the bargains and ready to stand in long lines. I stood in line for an hour and a half today at Toys R Us. Crazy? Yep. But it's Black Friday and I was prepared to stand in line.

But, today was the craziest Black Friday I have ever seen. Walmart this morning was true insanity. I have never seen that many people there that early. I usually get there at 430 in the morning. Yep, the only day of the year that I can get up that early. The last 5 Black Fridays, when I got there at 430 in the morning there really weren't too many people there. I can usually park fairly close to the door. Today, the parking lot was packed! I had to park pretty far away from the door. It was insane. As I drove to Walmart, there were just a few cars on the road. Typical for early morning. There weren't too many lights on other than street lights but when I pulled into the parking lot at Walmart, it was aglow with headlights. When I walked into the store, there were already people in line waiting to check out. I was in total shock.

One lady I spoke with attributed the mass of people to more people living in the Fountain area. To be honest, there aren't that many more people living in Fountain this year than there were last year. But, I think that its a testament to the hard hit economy. People who wouldn't normally dream of being out that early on Black Friday packed the stores. I can't tell you how many times I heard people say today that this was their first Black Friday experience and they couldn't believe how crowded it was. There were displays in Walmart that were totally decimated because of the throngs of people who descended upon them. The $4.00 PJ section was completely torn apart.

To be honest, the sales weren't that different than what they offered last year. But yet people were there in droves this morning. Before the sun was up, some folks (like myself) had already been shopping for hours. People are trying to make their dollar stretch much further this year. Websites about budget minded shopping and dinners, money saving tips, etc are extremely popular this year as people try to weather this financial storm. Most are trying to change their mindsets about spending and become more budget conscious. But this is the time of year when credit card balances start to rise.

As, I had a lot of time to think today while I stood in line for one and half hours at Toys R Us. My mind drifted a lot (because I hadn't had my coffee yet) about how people were paying for all their bargain treasures. People who were buying 3 HDTVs, 4 Digital photo frames and 5 iPods were definitely not paying cash for their items. But were they charging up their credit cards to pay for all the luxuries? I didn't see anyone pay for their items today with cash. Not that there weren't those that did (I did! I did!) but I didn't see any. In Toys R Us, I saw a lot of people that kept adding to their shopping carts as the line for the registers snaked through the store. Were people really just spending without care today? I don't know. Just cause I'm anal retentive about my shopping list doesn't mean everyone else is. What I do know is that I came in well under my budget for Christmas presents and I got a lot of stuff.

I save all year long so that I have money to spend for Christmas. Something I started doing when Kylie was a baby. Her birthday is December 11th and it's hard to get doubly hit at the end of the year. So I save. Cash allows me to have a limited budget. If I felt free to just spend and spend on a credit card, my house would be more overrun with stuff than it is right now. On top of the money I saved. My Dad and Gramma also sent money for the girls. So I divided everything equally between everyone and I am happy to say that both Kylie and Kaitlynn will have some really nice things to open on Christmas morning. Today I probably spent a total of $400. That is presents for Kylie's birthday and Christmas presents for Kylie, Kaitlynn and Jeff and stocking stuffers for those 3 as well. So not too shabby I think. I even wrapped Jeff's presents already. I had to. He will try to find them if I didn't. I figured the best way to keep them a surprise until Christmas was to wrap them.

Normally, I will spend everything I have saved for the holidays but this year I was savvy and really controlled myself. I had to remind myself that my kids don't need every new thing. I tried to stick to things that I know they will love and play with. Last year I just got them things to get them things. So they would have something to open. I didn't want to do that this year. I know that they will be happy with everything I got them and I'm not just wondering if they will like it or not.

I think that in a way, the financial crunch is a good thing. Yes, it sucks to have to scale back a lot but in a way, I think our culture was too "me minded". We were too stuck into thinking that we need the latest coolest thing. We don't. I think the economic upheaval is helping people to realize that they need to think about what they truly need and not just what they want. But, I also think that no matter what, Christmas for some will always be a spending spree no matter what the economy looks like.

Okay so please forgive me if I rambled. I know that I did. I'm tired. I have been up since 4 after all and I was up practically all night. Kaitlynn had a rough night last night. Shes a kid, it happens. But why it had to happen on Black Friday? I'll never know I'm sure. Crazy lady is going to bed now. ;)

Thanksgiving Reflections

With the whirlwind that was yesterday and the shopping frenzy that was today, I haven't really had a chance to sit and think about the last two days. But now that the girls are in bed, I have some liberty sit and think.

Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving to me is more than just "Pilgrims" and "Indians". It's an opportunity to reflect on what blessings you have received throughout the year. With the turmoil of this past year, it's hard for me to immediately think about things that I am thankful for. But even with all the emotional upheaval and the familial upset, there are things (rather big things) that I can be thankful for.

I am thankful that Jeff finally got a job after months and months of looking.

I am thankful that Jeff has been home for an entire year. I don't think that has happened since we moved here to Colorado in 2002.

I am thankful that Jeff has gotten to know his daughters better this past year. He's really starting to learn about them and all their quirks.

I am thankful that even though we had some financial hardship this past year, we still have our home. It was touch and go for a while. It was hard to find the money to keep up the payments but God has shown me that I need to humble myself in times of need and ask for help. Thank God for my father who stepped up to help us with the payments.

I am thankful that I had enough money saved to create what I hope to be a great Christmas for the girls. I even have some money left over! I didn't blow my shopping budget this year and both girls will still have plenty to open. I even managed to get Jeff some nice things and I wrapped them already so he can't peek!

I am thankful for my full belly. Even with limited funds we still had a FULL thanksgiving dinner with all the trimmings. Not everyone is so lucky.

I am thankful that my heat works. Our heater stopped working last year after we had a gas leak. I was worried that we would have to call someone to repair it (and we didn't have the funds to pay for that after having to replace our transmission in our ONLY vehicle). By the grace of God when we went to turn on the central heat, IT WORKED!!! Thank you Jesus! We have been toasty and warm at 65 degrees ever since. I keep it at 65, I'm cheap after all!

I am thankful that Kylie is in school. When I first tried to register her, I was told that everything was full. That we would be put on the waiting list. I still have yet to hear from district 8 but, two weeks after I put in our application for Head Start we were accepted! So shes in school and its free plus they feed her lunch. It's been such a blessing!

I am thankful for my Dad. He and I have had a rocky road. We haven't had the best relationship but God spoke to my heart and humbled me. My Dad and I have been working on our relationship for a while. Its not perfect and I don't think it ever will be but at least we are working on it. He has really stepped up to help us in times of need. It's been a true blessing to have him in our lives again.

I am thankful for my two punks. Yes, they drive me nut. Yes, they are a handful. Yes, they fight with each other all the time. But I love them. They provide an endless source of entertainment and frustration. But they are mine and hey, I can't kick them out until they are 18. :)

I am thankful for my job. Lindsey is great with her flexibility. Though at times it can be demanding. But, how many jobs will let you bring your child with you when you aren't able to afford childcare? I have truly been blessed by this job.

I am thankful for coffee. My life blood! Oh how I love you my Columbia Roast.

and finally...

I am thankful for my God. Without Him, I think I would be in the nut house. He made it possible for me to survive three deployments with my sanity intact. He has made it possible that we were able to never really lack anything during our time of financial hardship. He is my provider. He is my strength. He is my comfort. He is my defender. He is my faithful friend.

In truth I could probably go on and on about what I am thankful for. When you are in a thanksgiving frame of mind, it's hard to stop thinking about all the ways you have been blessed in the last year. It's easy to start thinking of things, no matter how small they are. A blessing doesn't have to be big in order for it to be important. All blessings are important and I think recognizing those small blessings are more important than recognizing the big ones. The big ones are the obvious blessings and are usually few compared to all the little blessings that happen everyday. I think that the real secret to being happy is to see, recognize and be thankful for all the little blessings that happen everyday. To truly see the glass half full and realize that no matter how bad things are right now, there are still things to be grateful for. Focusing on the blessings and not the curses is what gets you through the day. Hey, that was deep. I should write that on my mirror too. Feel free to quote me. I'm not that deep that often. :)

I hope that everyone had a wonderful, happy and blessed Thanksgiving and that you got to experience the fabulous turkey coma!

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Now is the Winter of Our Discontent

Wow its been a while since I blogged huh. Betcha thought I forgot about my blog again. I didn't. I have just been really tired. Abnormally tired and I've been having some joint pain in my hands and pain in my feet and back. The hypochondriac in me thinks I have lupus. The rational person in me says that I need to get more sleep, eat better, take my vitamins and start exercising. Oh and knock off all the coffee. I personally believe that a lot of our ailments can be solved by diet. Not everything of course, but a lot of things can. If we don't take care of ourselves and that includes eating well, our body's don't function right. If you eat crap, you feel like crap. And well...I've been eating a lot of crap lately to include at least 3 (yep 3) cups of coffee a day. So what does all this have to do with the "winter of my discontent"? Not a whole heck of a lot but I just thought I would share.

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Dr Mike continued his financial series today. Today's topic was contentment. How to find contentment. To seek our contentment in not what our circumstances are but by finding divine joy in God. In other words not letting your circumstances determine your outlook. But by seeking contentment in what you have by focusing on the good things of God.

Why does every sermon convict me so?

This really got me thinking today about my own personal contentment. I am not content. I have not been for a while. But why am I not content? I am dissatisfied with my marriage. I have too much clutter choking the daylights out of me. I have two children who though they love me and I love them drive me insane. I am homesick and I am tired of struggling financially. If you were any ordinary person and just saw things in the natural, you probably wouldn't be too content either. But I don't want to be an ordinary person. I want to be a person that can be identified as a Christian from a mile away. I want to have Gods divine joy and contentment. I want to have that quiet strength that you see in true Christians. I want those around me to be affected by the spirit of God through me. But by being so dissatisfied and stressed out all the time, I'm not modeling that to the world. The bible says that you shall know a tree by its fruit and well, my fruit hasn't been juicy and ripe for some time.

But I think that I become so overwhelmed with the day to day that I forget to look at things in the spirit. I forget to try to see things through Gods eyes. Yes my children irritate me but I have children. Yes my house is cluttered but I have a house. Yes I'm homesick but there are many out there who don't have families to go home to. Yes we struggle with finances but we have enough food in our home when others don't. There is always good in a situation. Though we maybe so overwhelmed with the bad that we don't see it.

Being content is not something that's easy but it's something that I need to strive for. It's something I need to work on. One thing that I do have control over is all the clutter in my home. If I can get ride of say 75% of it and live with less stuff then I do believe that I can truly be happier and more relaxed. Chaos is a deal breaker for me. I don't like chaos but my home seems to be filled with it. I know that I can be happy with less. I know my girls can be happy with less. Now, Jeff I don't know if he can be happy with less. He seems to always want more. He keeps talking about buying an LCD TV and the kind of car he wants to have oh and don't forget he "needs" The Wrath of the Lich King (which is sold out everywhere). I don't really think about stuff like that right now. We are managing with what we have and we would manage with 50% less.

I need to get started with the first step to my contentment. Decluttering my home! I pray that God gives me the energy to tackle such a monumental feet. The clutter is overwhelming and that's why I haven't even attempted it until now. But Kylie's birthday is 3 weeks away and Christmas is just around the corner. Things need to get out of my house before I'm drowning in even more clutter than before!

Monday, November 17, 2008

God's Grace and Peace (Quote for Today)

So I'm sure that it comes to no surprise to anyone who knows me that I subscribe to the daily devotional email from Joel Osteen Ministries.

Well this morning was hectic to say the least. Just like any other morning in my house. I get up and I try to get up before the girls so I can have time to have my coffee and wake up. So I can center myself through prayer for the day ahead. I'm always a much nicer and more focused person when I get that morning time to myself. But it seem no matter how early I get up, I can NEVER have that morning time to myself. It seems right as I'm making my pot of coffee, Kylie wakes up and starts pestering me. "I'm hungry." "I'm thirsty." "My sister is awake." "When is breakfast?" "What are you making for breakfast." "Ma-a-am, I said sissy is awake, are you going to come and get her?" Are you as tired as I was yet?

Well that's my morning, every morning. Would probably make the sanest person snap after telling your daughter to go back to her room for the upteeth time. "Please Kylie go back to your room, I will call you when breakfast is ready." "Kylie when I said, 'Go back to your room', I didn't mean for you to sit at the door and continue to ask me questions" "Kylie just sit on your bed and be quiet." "Kylie go back to your room, you can feed the cat later." "Kylie! Kylie! Kylie!"

Oh then it gets better. I have finally had my coffee and made breakfast. I laid it out on the table and went to "rescue" the girls from their room. I send Kylie to go and eat and I proceed to change Kaitlynn. Well she did what all lovely children in diapers do first thing in the morning. She pooped! And, boy did she poop (thank God for cloth diapers, this one would have been a disaster in disposables). Well as I'm changing her she proceeds to sway her poopy butt back and forth. I tell her to stop and she smiles at me and continues until her butt makes contact with my shirt. Poop smeared into my favorite shirt. Ai Yah! This was just the "icing" on the cake for me this morning (yeah I went there)! Oh man, just what I needed right!

So after rinsing off myself, Kaitlynn's diaper and changing my shirt, I sat down to FINALLY eat my now cold breakfast. Why is it that I never get to eat hot food? Hmmmm. Anyhow, I open up my email and there is my daily devotional from Joel Osteen Ministries and this is what it said...

May God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ give you grace and peace

2 Thessalonians 1:2, NLT

This is the same verse in NIV

Grace and peace to you from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

If you keep reading, it gets even better...

We ought always to thank God for you, brothers, and rightly so, because your faith is growing more and more, and the love every one of you has for each other is increasing. Therefore, among God’s churches we boast about your perseverance and faith in all the persecutions and trials you are enduring.

2 Thessalonians 1:3-4 NIV

Wow, exactly what I needed to hear this morning. Grace and Peace. Yes Lord, I need Your divine grace and peace this morning. Lord, I know I have a quick temper and I repent for that. My children are just children and they need me to be a good example for them. Please envelope me in Your divine grace and peace today so that I can become a godly example for them. An example of Your peace and love in their lives.

Amen.

Boy, do I feel better!

Now if I could just find the motivation I need to clean the never ending mess in this house, all will be right with the world. I will never understand how children can be such tornadoes.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Saving Money.

So today in church, Dr Mike continued his finance series.

It got me really thinking about where we can scale back in our finances.

Right now with things being so tight, I don't think there is a way that we can scale back any more than we already have. But what have I done to scale back? Well its not much different than what we had been doing before.

"Buy used and save the difference"

I just love a bargain and when my girls are in need of something or I am in need of something, I have no problem getting something used. Goodwill is my favorite store for this kind of stuff. But lately, I have been finding the quality of the things I find, not as good as it was just a couple of months ago. I did recently buy myself a pair of shoes at Goodwill though. I told myself I would never buy a pair of used shoes. Feet just gross me out! But, you know what? The shoes I bought were only $1.99 and they were comfy and in great condition. You can't beat that right?

Craigslist and rummage sales are my other passion. My dad recently sent a check for the girls for Christmas and I found a screaming deal on a "Rose Petal Cottage". If you know what this thing is, you know that its EXPENSIVE! Well I got a slammin' deal on this thing. It looks brand new and the lady I bought it from threw in the stove, nursery set and extra play food, a baby doll and a baby blanket all for $75!!! Awesome right? If you priced this thing out new, you couldn't purchase just the cottage for that. The cottage itself is $90.00 plus the nursery set is $40... you get the idea. I saved a boat load on it! I love to save money!

Coupons, Coupons, Coupons. Sales, Sales, Sales.

I had gotten out of couponing for a while because you usually only find coupons for brand name items. I find it cheaper most of the time to just buy the store brand. However, when you combine a coupon with a sale, you get a very happy Kristi.

I love to shop the sales. I try not to pay full price for anything and with a strict weekly grocery budget of $60, I really have to make my money stretch as far as possible. I will go through the weekly sale fliers and make my list and calculate exactly how much I think it's going to cost me. I will also spend time on my calculator at the store to make sure that I am staying within my budget.

So how do I manage to only spend $60.00 a week? Well not only do I utilize the sales but I pay attention to what is on sale. I find that one week there will be a screaming deal on meat and I'll stock up for as much as my $60.00 can handle. Then the next week, maybe there will be screaming deals on produce and canned goods. Again, I will stock up.

I cook almost everyday now. When I don't cook we are usually getting the sale "meal" that week. Safeway usually will have a $5.00 special on Fridays. I'll pick up the $5.00 main dish and combine that with what I have in my pantry and fridge. To me that $5.00 is worth a cooking break for me. Even if I manage to "cook big" (aka a lot of food) my hungry husband will usually polish off whatever I make. There are normally no leftovers so leftover nights are just not options for us.

I have also learned to get really creative with dinner. Some of our favorite budget dinners are Tater Tot Casserole, Chili Topped Baked Potatoes, Chicken Adobo, Baked Pork Chops, Korean BBQ Chicken and Filipino Menudo. YUM! Easy budget friendly and delicious.

Driving Less

So even though gas prices are plummeting as fast as the stock market, we are still in the mindset of not traveling too much. We are paying half as much now as we were when gas prices were high but, there are other areas of our finances that the extra money could go to. So we still don't driving around all over the place, we just go where we need to and try to plan on doing errands along the way. Plus, when two working people share one car, its really easy not to go "gallivanting" all over the place as my Gramma would say.

Plus there are so many other ways we are scaling back.

We go to the beauty school to get haircuts. The other day Jeff, Kylie and I all got haircuts and shampoos for $25.00. You cant beat that. Most places just to do my hair it would cost $25.00.

Making my own cleaning products and scaling back on the rest. I love making my own cleaning products. I can't stand the artificial smell so making my own cleaner for literally pennies is great! I have been using that Arm and Hammer Essentials recently but that's because I got a FULL SIZED sample at Walmart last month. I love it but once it's gone back to making my own cleaners I go. I also just came across a recipe for laundry detergent that I am itching to try once the laundry detergent that I currently have runs out.

Cloth Diapers! I love my cloth diapers. I just washed a load today. Unlike some of my friends, my main motivation behind cloth diapering was not to save the environment. I mean that's a huge bonus, but I like not having to buy diapers every month. I like not having to budget for that. Its great! Plus even though I bought pretty much all of my diapers new, its still going to save me hundreds of dollars over the long haul. I am completely stocked with diapers until Kaitlynn is potty trained. Plus the colors are so pretty. I love my FuzziBunz!

Yes, we still have luxuries like cable but, we don't ever go out. We don't go out to see movies, we don't buy DVDs anymore. I feel like we but back everywhere else, that we deserve to have a little luxury in our lives like cable. That's what I think, and I'm sticking to it.

What I do find is that its really easy for me to stay on track with budget, but not so much for Jeff. He admitted to me the other day that he doesn't really pay attention to how much hes spending and that's a huge no no when it comes to trying to stay on budget. I'm the type of person where I'm adding up in my head how much I spent and how much is left in my budget. Jeff is very free with his money and that's why he ends up putting us in the red. He says hes going to work on that. I pray that he does.

Friday, November 14, 2008

The Gift of Giving (Bible Quote of the Day)

Okay so I realize that its late in the day to have a quote for today. I am also VERY tired, it's been a long day so please excuse me if I ramble and make no sense. :)

...so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.

Romans 12:5-8

Basically what this says to me is that we all need to take care of each other. But not just take care of each other, but take care of each other according to our spiritual gifts.

I think what frustrates me the most about finances is that I do believe I have the gift of serving. I have a servants heart, meaning I like to help people. I get so frustrated because my desire is to help financially for some. I see such a need in some people that I want to reach out and make it all better. But, I cant help financially.

So my last passage got me thinking. How can I still serve without financial giving? Well the first way I am serving is through my Military Blog. I am trying to create a resource for people to go to. I was a spouse of a deployed solider. I know how hard it can be. I have a heart for our military because I was in that situation. People can empathize but until you are a military wife you never really, truly understand.

The second way I have decided that I am going to serve is by making hats for the Thanksgiving feast. Well what do hats have to do with a Thanksgiving meal? Well my church is also giving out winter coats and hats to those who need them. I know for sure that I cannot go out and buy coats but I have a lot of yarn in the basement and a lot of scrap fleece just sitting around.

I'm also making pies for the Thanksgiving feast. That's definitely something I can do.

I guess the bottom line is, my last post was so desperate that it got me thinking. How can I truly give up my situation to God? Well the answer is, by not focusing on my situation. By focusing on others. Essentially not putting enough importance on what is going on with me but to put all the energy I would spend worrying on giving to people who have far less than I do.

We did do our shoe box after all. I dipped into our Christmas fund for it. I figure its worth it. It gets Kylie thinking about ways she can help others. She is so "me" centered. And well, shes 4. But I want to get her out of that mindset. I want to get her to stop focusing on what she wants (not needs) and to start realizing that she has a lot compared to many other people.

That's something I have to remember too. Yes, we may be financially strapped right now but we have a roof over our heads, we have nice clothes to wear, we have dirty dishes piled in the sink because we have food to eat. So yes the finances suck, but it could be worse. I am very blessed to have what I have. And I think focusing my efforts on what I can do to help others and not what I cant do or my current situation, I think that's the way I can truly give it all to him and completely surrender my circumstances. Give up control, I guess is another way to put it.

So again, preaching mostly to myself here.

I Need a Job Job Job

So we have been having a lot of financial stress lately. Ever since Jeff has left the Army, things are REALLY tight right now. And now, my hours at work have been scaled back.

I know that the economy sucks but we are already living so tight, I just don't know what to do.

I know what I should be doing is trusting God with my situation. Things aren't looking pretty right now and it's so hard to trust when things are at their dimmest. I just need to find a way to start generating more income. I have hesitated to do this until now because I am already so exhausted. I feel like everything falls on my shoulders when it comes to the home. I feel that if I don't do it, its not going to get done. Jeff does help sometimes with doing dishes but the bulk of the work is left to me. Couple that with parenting responsibilities, financial responsibilities (because I take care of all that too), and work, it just ends up being A LOT.

But right now are finances are pretty much in the red. All I can think of is resentment toward my husband right now. I keep thinking that had he filed his VA claim before he got out of the military, we wouldn't be in this situation right now. He STILL hasn't filed his VA claim.

Financial stress is especially hard this time of year. I love to give during this time of year. Whether it be food baskets or Operation Christmas Child or adopting a local family through my moms group. I love to be able to be a blessing, and it hurts me that I cant be as big a blessing this year as I would like to. I'm afraid that all I will probably be able to do this year is bake some pies for my church's Thanksgiving Feast. I am debating about doing operation Christmas child this year. I'll have to dip into my ever dwindling Christmas Fund for it. We have had to use some of the money I've saved up for Christmas to buy silly things like groceries.

Its like I said before, I'm a control freak. I want to be able to control my financial flow. They keep promising Jeff overtime at work and it never pans out. I pray everyday for God to open a door for us. Whatever that door may be. He knows my needs better than I do.

I have to trust in God. I know that. Maybe this is something that the Lord is trying to teach me. I can remember one day that I specifically told God that I would totally put Jeff's over time into His hands. And I meant it. I felt so good about it. I completely gave it over to God and later that day, Jeff calls me from work to tell me that they are going to give him overtime the next day. If that doesn't say something, I don't know what does. But it's really hard for me to completely give it over to God. I give it over to Him and then I'm okay and at peace with it and then something else comes up. I just feel that every time I feel great and get a leg up, something comes to try to smack me down. And most times, I let it. Most times I stand back like a helpless victim and let it throw me to the ground and stomp on me.

I know that I need to let it go. I keep telling myself that. I'm working on it but it is SO. DARN. HARD.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

My Inspirational Verse for Today

So I'm going to attempt to post a new verse everyday. I was thinking about it yesterday and it dawned on me that the days I focus on the Lord and his word, are much better days. I think this was mostly a "duh" moment. I mean that should be obvious.

Well this is my verse for today:

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 NIV


If you are a believer, this is such an encouraging verse I have been having so many issues lately with the girls and just a lot of dissatisfaction in my own life. I feel lonely. I miss having friends to hang out with on a daily basis. I guess I mostly am missing human interaction. Jeff is not one for human interaction lately. Hes been drawing into himself a lot. And I guess I have been too. I have been spending a lot of time by myself in my bedroom. I have no motivation to be or do anything right now. I just am.

I think I get bogged down too much with the day to day. In fact I know I get bogged down to much with the day to day, and I personally think I may still have a mild depression going on, but with no medical care right now, hey whatcha gonna do right? Things are not roses and sunshine. But that falls back to what Dr. Mike says a lot, "Real Christians have Real Problems." Things do not become better instantaneously once you submit your life to Christ. But it's like what I said in older posts, it's not your situation, its your attitude about your situation. I am working on my attitude. I am trying to live my life one day at a time. I am trying to give my worries to God. I am trying to be joyful despite my circumstances but that is SO. DARN. HARD. It's hard to look past the seen and into the eternal here after. It's hard to have joy despite your circumstances and for a control freak like me it's hard to give everything to God and know not just hope, things will turn out okay. It's hard.

I have a desire in my heart to get involved in a prayer group again. I miss being apart of a small bible study and prayer group. I have a desire to seek out a Christian mentor. Not just any mentor but someone who walks the walk. Jesus said that you will know a tree by its fruit. Many of the Christians I have known, talked a good talk but didn't walk the walk.

But I know that if God puts a desire in your heart, its for a reason. So I'm going to work on being more spiritually minded. I'm going to work on looking past my natural circumstances and trusting that God will take care of my needs.

I'm working on it...

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

"Mommy, My Stomach Hurts"

So yesterday I talked about having to pick Kylie up from school because she was complaining about stomach pains. Well, today I found out why she was having those stomach pains.

I didn't have to work today. I was rudely awoken this morning to, "Mommy Kaitlynn is eating M&Ms and she has chocolate all over her".

Now this is before my morning cup of coffee so at first I didn't register what Kylie had just said. Then I started thinking about where Kaitlynn got the M&Ms from. All of the candy is up on top of the kitchen cabinets. No way did anyone climb up there to get it. So I ask Kylie where the candy came from. Kylie says "From under her pillow". Right there I knew it was a lie. We had just literally torn apart Kaitlynn's crib yesterday to lower her mattress another rung. So I knew there was absolutely NO candy under her pillow. I would have scene it.

I walk into the girl's room and first thing I see is a naked baby. Kylie decided that since Kaitlynn got chocolate on her PJs that she would strip her down. Lovely. So as I'm putting a diaper on Kaitlynn, I question Kylie about where the candy came from. She keeps insisting from under Kaitlynn's pillow. Yeah right. Well then I look her right in the eyes and say, "So, where's the candy YOU were eating this morning?"...

That's when Kylie's eyes went wide and she got that "Oh crap" look on her face. She looked at her feet and lifted up her pillow.

There under her pillow was a treasure trove of empty candy boxes and wrappers and an empty box of skittles gum. Yep gum. She thought they were regular skittles. I picked up the box and looked at her and asked her when she ate them. She told me, "Yesterday before you and Daddy got up". NICE!

Well, now I know why her stomach hurt. And now I know why she didn't want to eat her breakfast. She ate an ENTIRE box of gum. Hmmm....

So she stood in the corner this morning for probably over an hour. The rule in my house (for her) is that you have to be quiet for at least 5 minutes in the corner before you can be let out. Well she sat there and screamed. When she was done with that she stomped her feet. When she was done with that she told me that she was ready to listen. And when she was done with that she screamed some more. Again, all this before my morning cup of coffee.

Oh Calgon take me away.

I told her before she went to stand in the corner that she was going to stand there for lying and for sneaking candy. Oh that girl!

Shes going to be 5 soon. Isn't that the magical age where things are supposed to start getting better behavior wise?

If not, sign me up for an extended vacation back to Hawaii!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

How I Celebrated Veteran's Day

This morning when I got up, they were talking about Veteran's Day on the radio. They were talking about events around town and concluded by saying, "If you know someone who is serving or has served our country, just go up and give them a hug today" So, I took their advice...

Dang it, where are the smilies when you need them?!

Anywho, Jeff didn't have to work today so he was still sleeping when I got up. I decided to hug MY Veteran today. Do you see where this is going? With a smile on my face and made a running leap onto my bed but most importantly onto Jeff. He groaned, said several expletives and asked me what the expletive I did that for. I simply answered, "The radio said to hug a Veteran today so I'm hugging a Veteran."

Unfortunately he wasn't as amused as I was and pushed me off and promptly went back to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You know its funny, Kylie didn't ask me anything about Veteran's Day today. Hmmm.... She had school today and with most of the kids in her class having a parent serving in the military you think they would have talked about it, but I did pick her up early. She was "sick" after all.

I did post a great video on my other blog Colorado Springs Military Spouse Resource. Go check it out and Happy Veteran's Day!

Bill Cosby Was Right.

You ever see that Bill Cosby special "Bill Cosby Himself"? I love it. I have it on DVD. I always found it funny but never as true as I have since I became a parent.

In his special Bill Cosby said that all children are brain damaged. Raising two girls, I believe it! This past week has been so challenging with both of them. I don't know if its the cold weather or what but the have just been really special this week. My reaction to their behavior would have to be another analogy from Bill Cosby's special. He described an incident when he said that his wife got mad. He said that her eyes rolled back in her head, and fire shot of of them. Yep, that would be me this past week.

Neither one of them want to listen. Neither one of them want to play nicely with each other. Neither one of them wants to clean up after themselves. But, they both want to scream at the top of their lungs All. The. Time.

Today we had to lower Kaitlynn's crib because I put her in her crib for a nap and I walk by and shes sitting on her bookcase. Yeah, it was that kinda day. I was called to Kylie's school today because she was running a very slight temperature and complaining of stomach pains but when she got home, not only did she not want to rest, she wanted to keep her sister from resting as well. She kept her and her sister up through nap time and when we removed Kylie from the room, Kaitlynn promptly fell asleep. Yeah, it was that kinda day.

I just get so frustrated and I have no idea what to do anymore. I accept that kids just like adults have rough days and then have much better days. I totally accept that. But the things my girls have been doing lately; lying, disobedience, fighting, coloring on furniture and walls, telling me off...that's just not okay. And most of the time, I am just too tired to deal with them and Jeff's solution is to scream at the kids. Neither one is very productive or very constructive.

I think a lot of this behavior has to do with me working so much these past couple of weeks. I haven't had much time to spend with them or much attention to give out. But right now, I feel like I'm in burn out mode extreme and I am just tired. I know that I need to give them more attention. But I think before I can sufficiently care for their needs I really need to take care of my own. I am burnt out. I have no motivation to do anything right now. I just want to sit and watch TV or sleep all day. I have been so busy for so long that I'm just tired of it. I am tired of my daily routine and I think that I'm really tired of being taken for granted by my family. I just don't know how to snap out of it. Maybe a massage? Hmmm.... I should really call Julie and get that free massage. She is in massage school after all and needs someone to practice on. Now where did I put her number?

Monday, November 10, 2008

Contagious Attitude

Good Morning!

So I kinda touched on the topic of attitudes yesterday and it got me thinking about who's attitude I would like to "catch".

My youngest daughter Kaitlynn has the best attitude...well most of time. She is almost 2 after all.

I'm really going to try to be like her when it comes to some things.

Shes always so thrilled about the smallest things. Literally and figuratively. She absolutely just loves to see my "horse". I play that "My Farm" game on Facebook and I have a horse on my farm. Just seeing the horse on the computer screen thrills her to no end. She gets so excited when she sees this tiny cgi horse. I wish I could be like that. Granted small things do thrill me (like gas prices dropping another 2 whole cents here in Fountain) but, mostly and especially when it comes to my husband, I need a large display of something to make me happy.

I need to get back to just loving the small stuff. Being so appreciative of the little things. Nothing gets by Kaitlynn unappreciated and I just want to be more like that. But, when my day is crappy, I don't always see the little things. I don't always appreciate that picture that Kylie drew for me because shes being annoying. I don't appreciate the fact that Jeff finally said "Thank You". Instead of being mad at him for all the times that he didn't say it.

And speaking bibically, God wants us to acknowledge Him. We don't always acknowledge the way that God works in our lives. I need to be more receptive to that. God, like everyone else loves His props. Just thinking from my earthly perspective, I hate it when I do something and I don't get acknowledged for it. So I'm working on that not just from a spiritual perspective but an earthly one as well.

Kaitlynn also makes those around her feel really special because of her attitude. I just love it when she sees me. Her face lights up and she says "Momma", like she hasn't seen me in years and being that shes almost 2 that's a big deal. ;) How many times have I seen someone that I haven't seen for a while and been nonchalant about it? I want to make those around me feel as special as I do when I walk in the door to Kaitlynn's bright shining face.

But, its not so easy to do that. Its hard to feel out when people are receptive to that kind of response you know. Not everyone appreciates that. But, maybe I should do it anyways just because. Plus, when you aren't in the mood for anything, its easy just to dismiss someone.

I guess that's what it all comes down to though. Changing my attitude right. Trying to turn the "mood" into a good one and not a gloomy one. Cause really, who wants to hang around with a gloomy person all day, right?

Its something that isn't going to happen overnight. But I do live in the "why me" a lot. I need to stop that. Its not good for me, my blood pressure or those around me.

I'm going to resolve to work on that. If I change my attitude, I know that things will get better. Not because they are better but because I perceive them to be better. Like that second family in the PW story.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

How funny

Okay so earlier this morning, I was talking about how I worry about the finances. Wouldn't you know it but in today's sermon Dr. Mike talked about what the bible says about your finances. It's his new message series.

How appropriate right!

Well so what does the bible say?

Our verse today was Matthew 6: 25-34

I'm not going to spell it out for you, you can read it if you want. But the scripture is about how God created us and we shouldn't worry about what we are going to eat and what we are going to put on. God takes care of all His creations from the birds in the air to the flowers in the field so He will take care of us too. He will provide for all of our needs (not to be confused with all of our wants) we just have to trust in Him.

Powerful. I can think of many examples when God has taken care of people that have trusted in Him. Where when these people trusted in Him, He not only took care of their needs but their wants as well. There is John and Kate Gosselin, The Duggar Family, many of the families on the show Kids by the Dozen, The Blodel family (you probably don't know them, they are friends of mine) etc. It's all about faith and most of all attitude.

Check this out from Pioneer Woman (www.thepioneerwoman.com). I LOVE her! Her husband and girls just went down to the Dominican Republic with Compassion International. Just listen to what her husband had to say about two different families there:

"The first in-home visit was almost too much to take. The futility of the family’s situation was overwhelming. The mother was worried about her kids, wanted them to do well in school, stay away from drugs, find some way to a better life, but she had almost zero hope. While her daughter is in Compassion’s Child Sponsorship Program and receives help with education, health care and extra nutrition, you could tell from listening to the mother that she was scared and discouraged. Her mother had worked on a batey, and she’d grown up in extreme poverty. Now she sees her children growing up the same way, and her son is starting to get into trouble.

This visit discouraged him. He saw how miserable they were. They had no hope and walking into a situation like that, wouldn't it discourage you too? Aren't peoples attitudes contagious?

But check out what he had to say about the second family...

"...as I expected, there wasn’t a bit of difference in the living conditions between the two households—both were two-parent families living in the crudest of homes. But there was one noticeable difference: the presence of faith.

Faith. It’s a hard subject for me to talk about. I’d almost hoped that I could just come on this trip and skirt around the issue, focusing mostly on all the good surface work that’s being done here. But I need to step outside of my comfort zone for a minute. Bear with me.

What I found within minutes of entering the second home was that the mother of this family was filled with joy and was thankful for what little they had…and the feeling of hope in the home was palpable. As it turned out, not only is the family actively involved in the local church, this mother had actually been a sponsored child with Compassion during her childhood. (Ben M. from Michigan, you did a great thing when you decided to sponsor this woman when she was a child.)"


Their situations weren't different. Their living conditions weren't different. The only thing that was different was the faith that the second family had.

During these hard economic times, I want to be the second family. They have much less than I do, but they have 10x the faith. They have 10x the joy in their circumstances. I have so much material wise compared to this family, but they have more than I do. They have true faith and joy. Faith and joy despite their circumstances. This is something I aspire to be.

I have resolved to live with less. I am going to start downsizing in the coming weeks. I don't need all the "things" that I have. Heck I have a punch bowl, brand new in the box. I haven't opened it since I bought it over 2 years ago. Why did I buy it? Cause it was cheap and I thought it would be a good idea to have a punchbowl "just in case". Hmmm.... I have a lot of things like this. Do I need it? NO. Can I live without it? YES. Can someone else be blessed by a brand new punchbowl? Of course.

We have too much in this country, compared to those who live in places like the Dominican Republic. Is our reaction to the downturn in the economy because we like to have stuff and are too worried about not having stuff? I know my reaction had a lot to do with that. Just read my last post.

But I'm going to live this week with the faith that God will take care of me. In the midst of my horrible, horrendous week last week, God blessed me with winning something on the radio. That one small thing, uplifted my whole day. God is good! No matter what happens in life, how bad it can get, just remember that God is good. Mostly speaking to myself here. I'm going to write that down and put it on my mirror with my other inspirational thoughts.

Okay I'm off my soap box now.

If you want to read the entire advetures of Marlboro Man and their girls, please visit www.pioneerwoman.com and click on "confessions". It's incredibly inspirational. Just so you know!

Clean Slate

Well, its been more than a year since I last posted to my blog. Its been a while, I know.

I have erased all the old posts and decided to start with a clean slate. Clean slates are good right?

Well many things have happened since I last posted. Jeff came home the day before Thanksgiving 2007. It has been a very bumpy road since. We are having marital problems mostly because we don't know how to be together anymore and also because I am convinced that he suffers from PTSD. He says he doesn't but the signs are there.

He got out of the military in June and has had a really hard time finding a job. With the economy the way it is, and all the competition for skilled workers in Colorado Springs, its not been an easy task. He did finally find something in late September but its only temporary and we don't know when he will find a permanent position.

The transition from military to civilian family has been hard. In many ways, I now see the many positives about being a military family. Its funny that when I was looking out from the inside of it all, I only saw all the crappy things about being a military spouse. There were the constant deployments, my stress level and my kids, doing it alone, etc etc... Now that I'm on the outside I realize that if you are strong enough to handle the deployments, the military isn't so bad. There is the free health care, the job security, and a decent paycheck (though I would not have admitted this before). We were comfortable with his military paycheck and my very part time paycheck. But now, we are struggling. I worry constantly about being able to get something that we need because we really don't have any cushion anymore. We used up all of our savings while he was job hunting and then had to borrow from family.

I know that we aren't the only family that is struggling. The economy sucks right now and evident every where you go.

I have been trying to keep my faith in what God has in store. I keep telling myself that He must have something great in store if all these struggles keep coming my way. I use the word "try" because some days I have more faith than others. Some days the crap level is to the ceiling and I just cant seem to dig myself out. Last week in church, Dr Mike talked about faith during times of hardship. He said that God uses you when times are hardest to show those around you who He really is. He used the example of two disciples who had been beaten nearly to death and thrown in prison and how all they did while they were in that prison was to minister to others in need and sing Gods praises. Wow! Its hard to have a joy filled, faith filled heart when things suck. Its hard to have love and forgive those who hurt you. Its hard to be a true Christian. But you know what they say, nothing worth having is easy.

I am trying so hard to be Proverbs 31. But at the same time, its so hard to be Proverbs 31. Keep praying for me through this journey. Lord knows I need it.