Mother's Day is always a day where I try to keep my expectations low. After all, I try to tell myself, it's just another day. Another day in this mad and crazy house. I tell myself that if things don't go the way I want to, that's okay. I tell myself that I don't need to be celebrated...again it's just another day. It's just another day, an ordinary day. Nothing special about this day. I build myself up to think that way every year. And every year...When I wake up on Mother's Day...I'm still upset and disappointed.
People say that if you keep your expectations low, you'll never be disappointed. I think for me, I try to keep my expectations low but there is something at the back of my mind tugging at my heart saying, "what if..." What if this year it will be different. What if this year I will have my ideal Mother's Day. It is that very thought that raises up my expectations and then brings my world crashing down upon me every single Mother's Day.
This morning I wake up to a filthy kitchen and a filthy living room. I have been so busy the past couple of weeks. I have been working extra hours, shuffling the kids back and forth, drafting patterns, preparing and opening my girls boutique, stocking us back up on groceries and trying to do enough around the house so that we don't get too far behind on things. But no matter how much I do around here, I never seem to get caught up. While I'm running around trying to be super mom on 4 hours of sleep, my husband sits on his computer and plays games or looks for jobs. Sometimes he'll clean the living room. Sometimes he'll do a half load of dishes and sometimes, he'll actually pay attention to the kids like he's supposed to. Most of the time, I'm hurrying to do a load of dishes while I'm trying to cook dinner or yelling at the kids to pick up the living room when it's not all their mess or walking into the house after a day at work and then errands to find that Kaitlynn has marked her entire body with Kylie's pens and is drinking of of a cup that only God knows where she found.
I'm tired, I'm exhausted and I desperately need a break. More than that, I need a clean house. My mind is so unfocused because I'm thinking of all the 50 million things that need to get done around here on top of what I have to do for work (I still need to write this month's newsletter article). I just deep cleaned the kitchen 2 weeks ago and now it's trashed again. I go to work and come home and the dishes are piled to the faucet (one of my biggest pet peeves) and I know that it didn't look like that before I left...
So I guess this rant is really about two things:not feeling very appreciated and a husband who is being awfully self centered right now.
So now I'm off to do a load of dishes, make the girls breakfast, get them ready for church and head out the door. And when I come home, I know that the house will look exactly the way I left it. And when I come home, I know that I'm not going to want to be here. And when I come home, I know that I'll probably have to start making my own Mother's Day dinner or we will be eating at 10 o'clock tonight.
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2 comments:
I hear ya, lady!! I know you're super-momming it over there! *hugs* And slap that man upside the head for me! (Bekah)
Oh girlfriend!! Hang in there...and try to change your perspective. Try to prioritize not by what makes you the most crazy and so therefore needs the most attention. But instead look at your to-do list and try to figure out what you love to do and do that first. Then figure out what you like to do and do that next. Then figure out what you don't hate to do and do that next. And if by the end of the day, the kitchen is still a mess, screw it.
Try to figure out how to look at everyday as a chance to do something you love instead of an obligation. Even that subtle shift in perspective can change the whole feel of a day. Hang in there and focus on what you love!!!
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