Adjusting...

At the start of this new year I find myself in familiar and not entirely welcomed territory. I am a single parent...AGAIN.

Don't get me wrong, I am so very very thankful for the job that Jeff has. It will provide for all our needs and some of our wants too. He had been out of work for so long and was lost and rather depressed. He had a hard time sleeping at night and because of this was rather irritable during the day. But for all of that, he was home. After years of deployments, I had him here and he was able to get to know his kids again. But...

Because I had him home for 2 whole years, I feel sort of lost right now. Because our relationship was going so well before he left I feel really lonely and now I am the one thats having a hard time sleeping (1 or 2am seems to be the usual bedtime for me now). I feel all befuddled and cornfuseled. Right now I have a deep, deep desire to just hide with a good book for a while and with two small children, that's not going to happen.

I struggle even with the day to day of just running this household and not going brutally insane. There are two small girls here who are having just as rough a time if not more so of adjusting to our new living situation. I know they miss their Daddy as much as I do.

Right now I just need to find some kind of balance to all of this. I need to find new ways of dealing with my stress and frustration. Maybe that's why I'm now turning back to this blog.

I am feeling utterly antisocial right now. I don't even really want to spend time with my kids (I know horrible thing for a mom to say right). I just feel like I can't breathe.

Despite all of this, I find myself trying to put on a brave face again to those around me so they don't see the true extent of my emotions. It's a skill I learned all to well in my years as an army wife. But I know that after the adjustment period the sun will break through the clouds again, I will feel more like myself. I know I just need time. And once that time is over, I'll finally be able to breathe again...