I Wonder....

This year will be the year that I turn 30. This impending event and the multitude of gray hairs I have been finding lately have me reflecting on my life.

I have to say that 12 years ago, as a senior in high school, I had lofty dreams for myself. I was a graduate of a very prestigious high school looking at my future as a theater major at the University of Hawaii (I was supposed to go to DePaul but I didn't feel ready to leave home yet). I never ever imagined that a year later I would meet Jeff. That a year after that I would be married. That three years after that I would be having our first child while my husband was off fighting a war in a distant country. I never thought this is the course my life would take. I never really saw myself as a mother. I knew I would get married someday but going through high school without anyone showing a hint of attraction my way, I guess I never imagined that I would be married at 20, having kids at 23. I always saw myself on stage. I saw myself performing. I saw myself under lights and in front of cameras. Ahh to be that starry-eyed girl again.

But lately my mind has been wandering toward those teenage dreams. As I watch movies or read books, I imagine exactly how I would portray a particular character, how I would direct a scene. I have been wondering what if... What if I went to DePaul? What if I followed through with my theater major? What if I had really pursued the dream instead of giving up because I thought I wasn't good enough? Would I be a typical starving artist now? Where would I be? I'm not saying that I regret the path my life has taken but I just can't help but wonder...

I have been toying with the idea of community theater. I don't know even if such a thing exists here in Colorado Springs, but if it does I'll find it. I may have to take some acting classes first. I'm sure acting is NOT like riding a bike. I may have to brush up on my mad skillz before even attempting an audition.