An Observation...

"If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her"
John 8:7b (NIV Translation)

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."
Matthew 7: 1-2 (NIV Translation)


I had a friend post something on Facebook the other day that got me thinking...

A lot of people, myself included tend to see fault in others but not ourselves. We nit pick at the things that people do or say and take unneeded offense to it. Then because we are so affronted by an action or a word, we judge that person probably too harshly than they deserve.

I'm fairly self-deprecating by nature and overly sensitive. I tend to read between the lines a lot when the implications aren't necessarily there. But I think that a lot of this offense and judgement could be overcome with just a little empathy. Sometimes a person is going through a situation, a season, a moment where they aren't really themselves. They have given themselves over to their emotional state and just need space. Sometimes that makes them make decisions that may not be the best for themselves or others but that doesn't mean that anyone has the right to judge them for it. I'm sure each one of us (as the first passage indicates) has had a time in our lives that we weren't the nicest, most pulled together person. For me this is a frequent occurrence when I'm just driving around the city.

My point is, people are just people. We all make mistakes. We are fallible. We are imperfection. Should we judge others because of something they did when in our heart of hearts, we know that it's probably we have done ourselves in the past or could do in the future?

I think one point the second passage is really trying to make on judgement is not just about how we will be judged by our Father. But how we will be judged by the people around us as well. If you judge someone for something and you turn around and do the same thing, what does that say about your character?

I'm not really one for New Years resolutions or New Years goals. I don't always stick to things like I should, I'm a rebel after all. Ha-ha. But I think that one goal I will have for myself this year is to try to really put myself in another persons shoes before I take offense, before I judge. To try to see the world from their perspective.

Contentment? What's that?

"I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern form me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances, I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

Philippians 4:10-13 NIV

This morning I got up early and I was still feeling the effects of yesterday's heat exhaustion (don't work in the yard during mid-day when the sun is blazing). So I called in to work and said that I wasn't going to come in. The idea of driving to work with a mind splitting headache was just not a happy thought. The house was quiet early in the morning so I went to the kitchen grabbed a cool wet cloth, a tall glass of ice water and an Excedrin and plopped myself down on the couch with my iPod. While checking email and looking at Facebook I had an urge to check my bible verses app and see what brilliant quote it would bring me today. The past couple of days it hasn't brought me anything inspiring or relevant to what I have been going through lately but this morning, it was like a slap in the face (in a good way, if there is such a thing). This morning it brought me Philippians 4:13, "I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Most days I will get my quote and find it in the bible so I can read what comes before it and what comes after it. It's extremely important to understand not just the quote but also what precedes and follows it. What precedes that quote is powerful! Being content no matter what.

It is no secret that I am not content. I was doing some self examination after reading this quote. Why am I not content. Well there is the obvious my husband being jobless, having virtually 0 dollars in our account, creditor calls everyday. But I think I could handle all of that. I think I could be content if I didn't... have kids. It hurts me to see my kids going without things. They have food and a roof over their heads but apart from Church we don't really go anywhere. They don't get to get out and see the world. We have the occasional hike or trip to the park but that's about it (cause gas costs money too you know). When my friends are talking about swim lessons and mutton busting my heart hurts for my children knowing that they can't have that. I realize that stuff is material. I realize that stuff is not important in the grand scheme of things but I feel as if my children are deprived on some level because I can't afford any of that, no summer programs, no T-ball, no soccer, nothing. I mean we don't even have grass in the backyard for them to play on. To me it's sad, it makes me feel like a bad parent and leaves me with a feeling of discontent. But I sit here and imagine what it would be like to just feel satisfied all the time no matter what life throws at you. What a dream that would be! To just be okay all the time, not worrying about anything because you know that at some point anything you need or have ever needed will be met.

I remember the days of plenty. I remember not having to struggle and that makes this period in my life even harder. I remember being able to take trips and not just to the zoo but back home to Hawaii, Las Vegas and Oregon. I remember vacations and eating out and even just the basic of paying my mortgage on time. And it's hard to put all of that out of my mind and just live in the moment and be satisfied with what today holds and not think about what tomorrow will bring.

The flesh worries, the flesh stresses out but when you live in the spirit the worries of the flesh disappear. I want to live in the spirit. I want to be like Paul and feel satisfied no matter what life brings to me. Most days I can. Some days are easier than others to be satisfied and content, but recently I have been growing more and more frustrated with my husband. And it's been harder and harder to feel content and satisfied. I have been feeling very angry and resentful and I know I shouldn't but I do. I don't talk about it with him and that's mostly the reason why I haven't blogged in so long cause if you can't say anything nice... But I'm trying to deal with it. I'm clinging so hard to my faith that God will deliver me and I keep telling myself that it will be soon. Realistically I know that everything happens in God's time and not mine but lately I've been feeling that God is trying to do something good NOW but Jeff is holding it back. I'm probably projecting, but that's how I feel.

Pray for me!

Late Night Thoughts: What's On My Mind Now

So it's late, but I have been ignoring my blog lately. I've had a lot of things on my mind and have thus been immersing myself in Facebook frivolity and trying to think out the million and one thoughts swimming around in my head. Btw, don't join facebook, don't play bejeweled blitz or mafia wars. Facebook is evil.

There are just so many things I need to get done. Easter is two weeks away and I still have not done the girls Easter Dresses or presents. I am attempting to make this. I often have lofty ambitions so we shall see if this comes to fruition. I haven't even started putting it together, but I did buy all the fabric for it so that's a start.

I have spent all day on Facebook when there are so many other productive things I should be doing. Like cleaning the house, going through stuff in the basement, washing dishes, baking bread, I could go on. Facebook is a colossal waste of my time. But it's so distracting and that's what I need most of the time.

I am tired of having creditors call me, but until we have the money to pay them off, I guess I'll just have to deal with the phone calls.

Jeff needs to lose 5 inches off his waist before he can get back in. Oy vay! I have no idea what we are going to do until then. I guess we'll just have to figure it out.

We still have not come up with the money to pay our mortgage. This is a to be continued thing. I have to talk to my investment planner to see what the penalties are for withdrawing from my retirement account. This is something I really don't want to do but when you are stuck, you need to find a way out.

Bonus, I finally figured out what I wanted. My boss and I were having a conversation. They are following the teachings of "The Secret". Since they started just a couple of weeks ago, they have been crossing a lot of things off their dream list. They are even buying a new house, they move in Thursday. Let me tell you it was nearly impossible for them to buy a house. New lending laws and all but everything fell into place and they are moving. I am unpacking the office Friday. So that inspired me. I'm not one to follow something like "The Secret". But the bible shares many of the same teachings. So I am going to "become what you believe" (Matthew 9:29, The Message). I have yet to make a list. Maybe I'll do it here on the blog and you can follow my progress. That makes me accountable.

I want to make a new purse. I saw this pattern online. It would make a perfect Easter purse don't you think? I just have to find some kind of closure for it. I already purchased the fabric out of the remnant bin at Walmart. It's this really pretty vintage white/off white fabric. I'll post pictures "if" I ever get to it.

I need to clean and organize my sewing area. Right now it's currently occupying the entire dining room table. I would ideally like to have a dedicated sewing space but that is not an option right now. I would love to have it in my basement but alas there are no available outlets down there and it's unfinished. So this is another work in progress. I just have to figure out where best to store all of my sewing stuff where it is accessible and out of the way. Hmmm... More thoughts on this to come.

So as you can tell this is a very random to do list really. But it's what has been on my mind and what has been keeping me from posting. I start thinking about everything that I need to do and everything that's bugging me and all the topics I want to blog on and nothing gets done. Story of my life. So bear with me in the next few weeks as I work through some of my "stuff"..

Oh and look for a new blog post coming soon. I have a desire in my heart to write about being the queen of denial when it comes to pregnancy. No I'm not pregnant right now. Thank God. Knock on wood. But it's something that has been on my heart to put down in words. That will be coming soon to a blog post near you.

P.S. Oh and please forgive me for any spelling or grammar errors. It's late, I'm tired and I don't feel like proof reading. Stream of consciousness is so much better if not proof read. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. :)

Good night and so long!

Okay So This is Scary

Like I said, every time. EVERY TIME, I verbal vomit all over my blog about how bad I'm feeling, I open my my Joel Osteen email and I get something profound about what I am going through that day. Its just weird. I know that God is using his daily devotional email to speak to me. But its still weird.

This is what it said today:

I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair…He set my feet on solid ground…He has given me a new song to sing…

Psalm 40:1-3, NLT

Now the most profound thing about this is that it doesn't actually say that the Lord is going to deliver me from my problems but that He is going to lift me out of the pit of despair. I read this as He is going to bring about an attitude change in me. He is going to give me a new song to sing. A song of victory over my emotional challenges. I receive this Lord. I receive it in your holy name! I receive that you are going to bring about a change in me. A profound change designed to bring about my victory over my emotional challenges. I receive it Lord!

This scripture gives me hope. It hasn't changed my attitude just yet (I still feel rather blah, as I like to say). But I will wait patiently on the Lord and He will deliver me.

Oh Pastor Joel, Why Do You Convict Me So?

Okay, so every time I have a revelation about my bad day and post it here, I open my email to find my daily devotional from Joel Osteen Ministries. Here was today's devotional:

Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:30-31, NIV

I do put my faith in the Lord...most days. It's rough for me to be completely in faith 24/7, 365. But most days I do have faith. When I am in a big funk, it tends to be harder to have faith. On those days I don't have faith in myself, much less anyone or anything else.

But I know, how important it is to have faith. Without faith, you cannot accomplish anything. And I'm not just talking about faith in God, I'm talking about faith in general. If you don't have faith in yourself, will you start a business, a project, anything? No. Probably not. So faith is important no matter what we do. But I put my faith in a higher power. I put my faith in the One, the Alpha and the Omega. He numbers my steps. He guides my way. I put my faith in God to deliver me from my current circumstances and bring me out a better person.

Living Under a Blessing and Not a Curse

Faith is a powerful thing. The bible defines faith as "being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1 NIV

"Sure" and "Certain" are key words there. Sure and Certain of what we hope for but cannot see. You can't see it. You can't feel it. But you know it's there and working for you. That's faith.

But why is faith so powerful? Jesus said, "According to your faith will it be done to you." Matthew 9:29b NIV. Another version says this,"Become what you believe." The Message Wow, become what you believe. That's powerful!

Let's think about that for a while. Becoming what you believe. Now that can be a positive or a negative thing. If you envision only good things for yourself, isn't that whats going to come your way? Good things? If you envision only bad for yourself, isn't that whats going to find you?

Jeff and I have very different outlooks on things. He has let his disappointments beat him down to the point where he expects the worst and usually gets it. I on the other hand try to see good things happening. I hold onto the belief that God will deliver me from my circumstances in His time. Though I want that deliverance now, this is my season of struggle. I'm learning something, maybe empathy, who knows. But this is a season for me to learn and grow. Things can't be peach pie all the time. Inevitably, life has it's ups and downs. Monsoons and droughts right? Granted, I'm not always thinking about the positive. My frame of mind isn't always God-focused. But my faith, that God is bigger than my current circumstances, gets me through the day.

You can believe for the best and not get it, but isnt it better to believe for the best and not get it than to run around with a defeatest attitude all the time?

Jeffs attitude can be very contagious. It's very easy to live in a sour state of mind when things aren't going your way. It's much harder to live with the faith that God will deliver you from all of this. That even though it's hard right now, it's not going to be soon (soon for us and soon for God are relative things). Sometimes I do allow Jeffs attitude to affect me. It did earlier today. These past couple of months have been really hard on all of us. But I know, I mean really know, deep down in my soul that things are going to get better. I hold onto that belief for dear life. It's what gets me through the day. I just wish that my husband could share that with me sometimes. Its hard to live with someone who is always so worried about everything. I know that things are going to work out for us. I just wish that he could know that too. I guess thats what seperates someone who believes versus someone who doesn't. And I'm not just talking about Christians. I mean anyone who believes in something greater. Holding onto that belief, that faith that there is something greater than your circumstances that is working for your good 24/7 is extremely comforting especially when times are hardest.

Okay end rant, off my soap box now. ;)

What Could Giving Look Like?

"Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. As it is written:

'He has scattered abroad his gifts to the poor; his righteousness endures forever'"

2 Corinthians 9: 6-9 (NIV)

I have been thinking a lot about the topic of giving lately. Christmas time is called the season of giving because it is at this time of year that God gave us his son. What bigger gift could anyone receive than the gift of salvation but, what does giving look like today, right now in this economic climate?

The Salvation Army is reporting that they aren't receiving as many donations this year. People everywhere are looking for help because of job loss and other financial hardships. But this is the time no matter what our financial circumstances that we really need to be out there helping those in need.

I am not financially secure by any means. Jeff comes home the other day and tells me that his temp job is about to end. My hours at work have been cut drastically. This past month I have made half of what I normally make. But I give. I give what I can, when I can. It may not be much, but it's something. And this got me thinking, if everyone gave "just a little something", what would that look like?

If everyone in the state of Colorado (over the age of 18) gave a dollar to the Salvation Army, they would collect $3,592,037 during the holiday season. Can you believe that? If everyone in this country over the age of 18 gave a dollar to the Salvation Army, they would collect $225,084,715!!! Really what is a dollar? What do you waste a dollar on? I personally am guilty of wasting a dollar on Sausage Biscuit and Egg sandwiches at Burger King, coffee at 7-11, and buying things that clutter my home at the dollar store.

With the need so great this year, if everyone just in Colorado Springs (over the age of 18), donated a dollar to Care and Share Food Bank it would total $292,889. How many hungry people would that feed?

I don't presume to know anyone's situation. But the fact is that even if you and everyone around you gave just a small amount, it adds up. If 6 people got together and each gave $5.00, that would total $30.00 which is what a Christmas food basket costs from either Angel Food Ministries or Share Colorado. Those 6 people, with their limited funds could provide a nice dinner for a family in need.

The economic situation has me reconsidering what I spend my money on. Yes, money is tight here as it is for many people but you shouldn't be reconsidering your giving. Maybe you can't give as much as you did last year but I'm sure that even if you can't contribute financially, you can certainly give that sweater in your closet that hasn't fit in 2 years or those canned goods that you bought 6 months ago that you still haven't eaten. There is always something that you can do even if you can't give monetarily. Give your time. There are so many people who are alone this time of year, especially Seniors that just maybe want a friend. Give what you can give to others but most importantly do so cheerfully. Give from your heart and not because you feel obligated to. But I can tell you something, once you start giving its going to make you feel so good that you aren't going to want to stop.

**I found all the population statistics on www.census.gov

God's Grace and Peace (Quote for Today)

So I'm sure that it comes to no surprise to anyone who knows me that I subscribe to the daily devotional email from Joel Osteen Ministries.

Well this morning was hectic to say the least. Just like any other morning in my house. I get up and I try to get up before the girls so I can have time to have my coffee and wake up. So I can center myself through prayer for the day ahead. I'm always a much nicer and more focused person when I get that morning time to myself. But it seem no matter how early I get up, I can NEVER have that morning time to myself. It seems right as I'm making my pot of coffee, Kylie wakes up and starts pestering me. "I'm hungry." "I'm thirsty." "My sister is awake." "When is breakfast?" "What are you making for breakfast." "Ma-a-am, I said sissy is awake, are you going to come and get her?" Are you as tired as I was yet?

Well that's my morning, every morning. Would probably make the sanest person snap after telling your daughter to go back to her room for the upteeth time. "Please Kylie go back to your room, I will call you when breakfast is ready." "Kylie when I said, 'Go back to your room', I didn't mean for you to sit at the door and continue to ask me questions" "Kylie just sit on your bed and be quiet." "Kylie go back to your room, you can feed the cat later." "Kylie! Kylie! Kylie!"

Oh then it gets better. I have finally had my coffee and made breakfast. I laid it out on the table and went to "rescue" the girls from their room. I send Kylie to go and eat and I proceed to change Kaitlynn. Well she did what all lovely children in diapers do first thing in the morning. She pooped! And, boy did she poop (thank God for cloth diapers, this one would have been a disaster in disposables). Well as I'm changing her she proceeds to sway her poopy butt back and forth. I tell her to stop and she smiles at me and continues until her butt makes contact with my shirt. Poop smeared into my favorite shirt. Ai Yah! This was just the "icing" on the cake for me this morning (yeah I went there)! Oh man, just what I needed right!

So after rinsing off myself, Kaitlynn's diaper and changing my shirt, I sat down to FINALLY eat my now cold breakfast. Why is it that I never get to eat hot food? Hmmmm. Anyhow, I open up my email and there is my daily devotional from Joel Osteen Ministries and this is what it said...

May God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ give you grace and peace

2 Thessalonians 1:2, NLT

This is the same verse in NIV

Grace and peace to you from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

If you keep reading, it gets even better...

We ought always to thank God for you, brothers, and rightly so, because your faith is growing more and more, and the love every one of you has for each other is increasing. Therefore, among God’s churches we boast about your perseverance and faith in all the persecutions and trials you are enduring.

2 Thessalonians 1:3-4 NIV

Wow, exactly what I needed to hear this morning. Grace and Peace. Yes Lord, I need Your divine grace and peace this morning. Lord, I know I have a quick temper and I repent for that. My children are just children and they need me to be a good example for them. Please envelope me in Your divine grace and peace today so that I can become a godly example for them. An example of Your peace and love in their lives.

Amen.

Boy, do I feel better!

Now if I could just find the motivation I need to clean the never ending mess in this house, all will be right with the world. I will never understand how children can be such tornadoes.

The Gift of Giving (Bible Quote of the Day)

Okay so I realize that its late in the day to have a quote for today. I am also VERY tired, it's been a long day so please excuse me if I ramble and make no sense. :)

...so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.

Romans 12:5-8

Basically what this says to me is that we all need to take care of each other. But not just take care of each other, but take care of each other according to our spiritual gifts.

I think what frustrates me the most about finances is that I do believe I have the gift of serving. I have a servants heart, meaning I like to help people. I get so frustrated because my desire is to help financially for some. I see such a need in some people that I want to reach out and make it all better. But, I cant help financially.

So my last passage got me thinking. How can I still serve without financial giving? Well the first way I am serving is through my Military Blog. I am trying to create a resource for people to go to. I was a spouse of a deployed solider. I know how hard it can be. I have a heart for our military because I was in that situation. People can empathize but until you are a military wife you never really, truly understand.

The second way I have decided that I am going to serve is by making hats for the Thanksgiving feast. Well what do hats have to do with a Thanksgiving meal? Well my church is also giving out winter coats and hats to those who need them. I know for sure that I cannot go out and buy coats but I have a lot of yarn in the basement and a lot of scrap fleece just sitting around.

I'm also making pies for the Thanksgiving feast. That's definitely something I can do.

I guess the bottom line is, my last post was so desperate that it got me thinking. How can I truly give up my situation to God? Well the answer is, by not focusing on my situation. By focusing on others. Essentially not putting enough importance on what is going on with me but to put all the energy I would spend worrying on giving to people who have far less than I do.

We did do our shoe box after all. I dipped into our Christmas fund for it. I figure its worth it. It gets Kylie thinking about ways she can help others. She is so "me" centered. And well, shes 4. But I want to get her out of that mindset. I want to get her to stop focusing on what she wants (not needs) and to start realizing that she has a lot compared to many other people.

That's something I have to remember too. Yes, we may be financially strapped right now but we have a roof over our heads, we have nice clothes to wear, we have dirty dishes piled in the sink because we have food to eat. So yes the finances suck, but it could be worse. I am very blessed to have what I have. And I think focusing my efforts on what I can do to help others and not what I cant do or my current situation, I think that's the way I can truly give it all to him and completely surrender my circumstances. Give up control, I guess is another way to put it.

So again, preaching mostly to myself here.

My Inspirational Verse for Today

So I'm going to attempt to post a new verse everyday. I was thinking about it yesterday and it dawned on me that the days I focus on the Lord and his word, are much better days. I think this was mostly a "duh" moment. I mean that should be obvious.

Well this is my verse for today:

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 NIV

If you are a believer, this is such an encouraging verse I have been having so many issues lately with the girls and just a lot of dissatisfaction in my own life. I feel lonely. I miss having friends to hang out with on a daily basis. I guess I mostly am missing human interaction. Jeff is not one for human interaction lately. Hes been drawing into himself a lot. And I guess I have been too. I have been spending a lot of time by myself in my bedroom. I have no motivation to be or do anything right now. I just am.

I think I get bogged down too much with the day to day. In fact I know I get bogged down to much with the day to day, and I personally think I may still have a mild depression going on, but with no medical care right now, hey whatcha gonna do right? Things are not roses and sunshine. But that falls back to what Dr. Mike says a lot, "Real Christians have Real Problems." Things do not become better instantaneously once you submit your life to Christ. But it's like what I said in older posts, it's not your situation, its your attitude about your situation. I am working on my attitude. I am trying to live my life one day at a time. I am trying to give my worries to God. I am trying to be joyful despite my circumstances but that is SO. DARN. HARD. It's hard to look past the seen and into the eternal here after. It's hard to have joy despite your circumstances and for a control freak like me it's hard to give everything to God and know not just hope, things will turn out okay. It's hard.

I have a desire in my heart to get involved in a prayer group again. I miss being apart of a small bible study and prayer group. I have a desire to seek out a Christian mentor. Not just any mentor but someone who walks the walk. Jesus said that you will know a tree by its fruit. Many of the Christians I have known, talked a good talk but didn't walk the walk.

But I know that if God puts a desire in your heart, its for a reason. So I'm going to work on being more spiritually minded. I'm going to work on looking past my natural circumstances and trusting that God will take care of my needs.

I'm working on it...