An Observation...

"If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her"
John 8:7b (NIV Translation)

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."
Matthew 7: 1-2 (NIV Translation)


I had a friend post something on Facebook the other day that got me thinking...

A lot of people, myself included tend to see fault in others but not ourselves. We nit pick at the things that people do or say and take unneeded offense to it. Then because we are so affronted by an action or a word, we judge that person probably too harshly than they deserve.

I'm fairly self-deprecating by nature and overly sensitive. I tend to read between the lines a lot when the implications aren't necessarily there. But I think that a lot of this offense and judgement could be overcome with just a little empathy. Sometimes a person is going through a situation, a season, a moment where they aren't really themselves. They have given themselves over to their emotional state and just need space. Sometimes that makes them make decisions that may not be the best for themselves or others but that doesn't mean that anyone has the right to judge them for it. I'm sure each one of us (as the first passage indicates) has had a time in our lives that we weren't the nicest, most pulled together person. For me this is a frequent occurrence when I'm just driving around the city.

My point is, people are just people. We all make mistakes. We are fallible. We are imperfection. Should we judge others because of something they did when in our heart of hearts, we know that it's probably we have done ourselves in the past or could do in the future?

I think one point the second passage is really trying to make on judgement is not just about how we will be judged by our Father. But how we will be judged by the people around us as well. If you judge someone for something and you turn around and do the same thing, what does that say about your character?

I'm not really one for New Years resolutions or New Years goals. I don't always stick to things like I should, I'm a rebel after all. Ha-ha. But I think that one goal I will have for myself this year is to try to really put myself in another persons shoes before I take offense, before I judge. To try to see the world from their perspective.

New Year, New Life

I know, I know. It's been a LONG time since I last posted. There has been much going on in the past few months. So much that it left my head swirling. My oldest started her first year of REAL school, my husband and I repaired our relationship a point where we are better now than we have ever been. I have watched God move in my life and use my circumstances to move in the lives of others. I have watched relationships grow and strengthen, while at the same time my pride, stubbornness and pigheadedness fell apart.

This last year has been interesting to say the least. There are been more downs than there have been ups. With job loss for both of us, a tanked credit score, a notice that our house was about to go into the foreclosure process, and a rocky marriage (to put in mildly), this has been a year of unending challenges. But it has also been a year where I watched God move. Where He changed me and my outlook. Where he broke down my pride and showed me that I HAVE to depend on Him. Where He used people to mister to my spiritual and physical needs. Where we never went without. Where we still have our home. So has this been a good year? Yes. Has it been an easy year? No, not by a long shot.

But now that we have ushered in a whole new year. 2010, I know that I have climbed this mountain, this season is coming to a close. What a relief that is for me. I am excited and nervous about this new season that 2010 is ushering in. My husband finally got a job. The job he had been wanting since he got out of the Army. He was finally hired on as a defense contractor. He has been doing training (and a lot of waiting) in Georgia the past three weeks and headed out to Kuwait this morning. This job will provide us with a lot of financial stability. Heck more financial stability that we could have asked for. You know how in Job, God gave Job back everything he lost 2 fold, well thats what this job is pretty much going to do for us financially. It will be like 3 years of Army salary all rolled into one. So it has me excited that we will get to do so many things that we haven't been able to do like travel to see family, enroll the girls in a sport or other extra curricular activity, pay all of our past due bills off, etc. But all this still comes with a price tag, Jeff has to leave for a year...

So my new season comes with it's own set of challenges, it's own mountain to climb. But I know that God has really good things in store for us this year. He used my situation to make me a better person, to make me see that EVERYTHING in this life comes from Him. To ask (as he commands). Because if you don't ask, how can you receive.

One of my favorite sayings goes like this:

A woman is like a tea bag, you never know how strong she is until she's in hot water.

God showed me that I'm strong like a double shot of espresso, but only that strong when I put my faith in Him.



Now I must warn you that I'm probably going to be rearranging the blog a bit. With this new year and new season, I think my blog needs a face lift. What I come up with should be interesting. ;)

Got Hope?

It's been a while since I blogged about the Sunday church message. But something Pastor Mike Routt said made me think that I need to do it today. If not for any other reason than to share some of my testimony.

As you can probably guess by the title, today's message was about "hope" and more specifically the hope that we receive through salvation and a personal relationship with our savor Jesus Christ. I have hope. I have more faith in my God than my President. I have more faith in what my God can do for me than what Wall Street can do for my mutual fund. I have so much faith that I wait on my God to help me through the dark times. As the song says, "Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord". I have hope because I know who my God is. And that He is greater than my circumstances.

Let's put it this way, this month Jeff and I don't have enough money to pay our mortgage. They approved us for unemployment benefits through the military but not through Jeff's last job. This has caused something to go screwy in their system and our phone doesn't want to stay charged for the two hours it takes to get through to someone (no joke, you call them and they say that the wait time is 2 hours if you can even get through). Refiling unemployment, has gotten us nowhere. Now if I didn't have hope, I would be really freaking out about not being able to pay our mortgage. We even have creditors calling about bills that we just can't pay right now. Pre-Salvation Kristi would be freaking out. Freaking out about my credit score, freaking out about the mortgage payment, etc. But me, right now, in this place, I'm not freaking out. Most normal people would be right? Well I know that my God is bigger than my circumstances. I know that he is bigger than the amount in my bank account. I know that my God will take care of me. He has been so far. Hope breeds faith. If I didn't have hope I couldn't have the faith and the knowledge that I will be delivered from the mess we currently find ourselves in.

Now take Jeff on the other hand. My husband who says he is a non-believer. He doesn't have hope. He has a sour attitude about the whole thing. He's having a hard time finding a job and it's even a bigger blow to his ego to not be able to provide for his family. He stresses and struggles everyday and finds his solace in playing World of Warcraft which doesn't really help but allows him to take his mind off of his situation for a couple of hours. He doesn't have the hope, faith or peace about our situation as I do and believe me it's hard not to let his attitude rub off on me. But I truly have peace about it. I told Pastor Mike Farnham a couple of weeks ago, that it is very liberating to be able to give our problems to God and let Him worry about it for us. It took a long time for me to learn how to do that. And there are some days that are better than others. There are some days where the doubts creep in, I'm human it happens. But those days are fewer and fewer now.

In our situation, hope and faith are extremely important. I pray and I wait on the Lord. I know that He will deliver and take care of me and my family. That knowledge has led me through some very dark times. It has helped me through 2 deployments, dealing with post-partum depression, and unemployment. If I didn't have hope, I don't know where I would be.

Do you have hope?

If you are interested in reading the scripture passage that we talked about in church today, please look to Mark 5: 24-35 the story of the woman who bled for 12 years. It was through her hope and faith that she was healed.

Marriage, Oy Vay!

So that was us, 8 1/2 years ago. We got married at the Justice of the Peace in Honolulu, Hawaii on September 25th, 2000. I was 20, Jeff was 21. Boy were we young and naive. And look at how cute I was! I didn't have a clue what I was in for.

Since then we have had so many ups and downs. In civilian time we have been married for 8 1/2 years. In military time, 5 1/2 years. Each deployment has brought it's own share of trials. And even with everything we have been through, I still love the stinker. Every ounce of me wants to make my marriage work. And right now, for the most part it is. But it was really touch and go there for a while. I was at the point where I was done. I couldn't take it anymore. I even questioned whether or not I still loved him. At one point last Fall, I told Jeff that I wanted a divorce, and every ounce of me said that I was completely done. When the words, "I want a divorce" exited my mouth, it felt like this huge burden had been lifted from me. I didn't know how I was going to support myself and my children but I just knew I could do it. I think at that point, Jeff knew that this time, I was serious. And it was at that moment, that I saw my husband start to change.

Nothing changed overnight. It was the little things. Helping me more around the house. Less complaining about household chores. Curbing his spending habits. More attentive. Making an effort to turn off his game at night to come and spend time with me after the girls went to sleep. Little things that had been lacking in our relationship, were starting to be built back in. He came to me and told me that he wanted to learn about me all over again. He wanted to "study" me. There was still a lot of work to be done in our marriage but I just knew that this was God doing a work in my husband. Whether he believes that or not, this was God's hand at work.

Our marriage is far from perfect now and we have fallen back into some old habits. But we really try to be more considerate of each other. We try not to be to serious about things. We try to support each other. Marriage is hard work. It's not sunshine and rainbows all the time. I was an idealistic 20 year old when I got married. I didn't realize how rough the road ahead of me was going to be. I didn't realize what marriage was going to be like. I didn't realize that marriage is like a garden. It needs constant care. You need to take time everyday to tend to it. You need to keep away the parasites. You need to make sure that it gets enough water and sunshine or like my cilantro, it will die. It won't die suddenly but it will slowly wilt until all you have left is a brown shriveled thing. But like a garden, if you do take that time to make sure that it is healthy and bears fruit, you will reap a wonderful harvest.

Okay now I sound all convoluted. But you get what I mean. Marriage takes time, it takes love and it takes constant work. But if you are willing to put forth the effort especially in the rough times, it makes it all worth it in the end. I think that's what I learned throughout all of this. I learned to push through, even during the famine and the drought. I think that's why the movie Fireproof, spoke to me so much. And it's probably why my marriage has been on my mind a lot lately. We are still trying to make it work, but I have to say that I am more satisfied and happy in my relationship now than I have been in a long time.

Operation Christmas Child Revisit

So a couple of months ago I talked about giving and how we put together a shoe box for Operation Christmas Child.

I love Operation Christmas Child! And this year, we actually got to see the child that our box went to.



Kylie got a huge envelope in the mail from a missionary group called "Build the Future USA". They sent her a lovely letter detailing their mission trip to the Yucatan Peninsula. I particularly like this passage:

"The excitement in their eyes and the smiles on their faces are priceless. The boxes and it's contents are carefully examined, each item is cherished and placed back into the box exactly as it was packed. Some of the children save the paper it was originally wrapped in, picking up every scrap that was torn off when they opened the box."

These children who have very little, cherish this small gift that we gave. I can tell you the look on her face just says it all to me. The look on Kylie's face when she saw the little girl who received her box was priceless. It makes it all worth it for me and I can't wait to do it with both of my girls this year.

If you want to find out more about how you can give to Operation Christmas Child and Samaritan's Purse, please go to www.samaritanspurse.org.

January Reflections

I know its been a long time since I updated.

January was one hectic month for me and my family. It was the start of the new year, I was so gung-ho on my resolutions that this would be a good year. Well, it didn't start off that way.

On January 21st, my Grandma's birthday, Jeff was laid off. I was so distraught. I was upset. I couldn't understand why God would let this happen to us. Thank God that night was prayer service at my church. I went for the first time and I got loved on so much by three wonderful ladies, Ms. Beverly, Ms. Kathy and Ms. Gail. They prayed with me after service and since then God has done a true work on my attitude about this situation. I actually feel good and okay about the lay off. Jeff is getting back into the military. I truly believe that this a good decision especially with the current state of the economy. We were so excited to be out and be "stable" but life since we have gotten out has been anything but.

I am excited for the new prospects for this year. I am determined to start my own business and with the stay of execution on homemade children's products I feel that I can finally start the business that has been tugging at me these past couple of months.

Another traumatic event this month was Kylie deciding to knock her teeth out with her wooden play hammer. This was right after Jeff was laid off and I was again upset as to why this would happen now of all times. But, God again did a work and gave me the last spot in the free children's dental clinic. Wow, what an amazing God I serve. So now Kylie can get her teeth fixed and I don't have to pay anything! God is good!

I feel generally good and uplifted despite my current circumstances. And I can actually say that since I went to that prayer meeting, I haven't been feeling as blue as I had been. God is truly doing a work in my life right now and it feels AWESOME.

I guess maybe for me, my awesome year didn't start with the Christian calendar but with the Chinese calendar. My Dad pointed that out on the phone today. In the Chinese calendar, the new year started on January 26th.

So I look forward to what else this year has in store for me. I know that with the current state of things, I cannot plan for anything. I just have to wait and see what God is going to do in our lives. Which is scary but exciting as well.

Okay So This is Scary

Like I said, every time. EVERY TIME, I verbal vomit all over my blog about how bad I'm feeling, I open my my Joel Osteen email and I get something profound about what I am going through that day. Its just weird. I know that God is using his daily devotional email to speak to me. But its still weird.

This is what it said today:

I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair…He set my feet on solid ground…He has given me a new song to sing…

Psalm 40:1-3, NLT

Now the most profound thing about this is that it doesn't actually say that the Lord is going to deliver me from my problems but that He is going to lift me out of the pit of despair. I read this as He is going to bring about an attitude change in me. He is going to give me a new song to sing. A song of victory over my emotional challenges. I receive this Lord. I receive it in your holy name! I receive that you are going to bring about a change in me. A profound change designed to bring about my victory over my emotional challenges. I receive it Lord!

This scripture gives me hope. It hasn't changed my attitude just yet (I still feel rather blah, as I like to say). But I will wait patiently on the Lord and He will deliver me.

Living Under a Blessing and Not a Curse

Faith is a powerful thing. The bible defines faith as "being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1 NIV

"Sure" and "Certain" are key words there. Sure and Certain of what we hope for but cannot see. You can't see it. You can't feel it. But you know it's there and working for you. That's faith.

But why is faith so powerful? Jesus said, "According to your faith will it be done to you." Matthew 9:29b NIV. Another version says this,"Become what you believe." The Message Wow, become what you believe. That's powerful!

Let's think about that for a while. Becoming what you believe. Now that can be a positive or a negative thing. If you envision only good things for yourself, isn't that whats going to come your way? Good things? If you envision only bad for yourself, isn't that whats going to find you?

Jeff and I have very different outlooks on things. He has let his disappointments beat him down to the point where he expects the worst and usually gets it. I on the other hand try to see good things happening. I hold onto the belief that God will deliver me from my circumstances in His time. Though I want that deliverance now, this is my season of struggle. I'm learning something, maybe empathy, who knows. But this is a season for me to learn and grow. Things can't be peach pie all the time. Inevitably, life has it's ups and downs. Monsoons and droughts right? Granted, I'm not always thinking about the positive. My frame of mind isn't always God-focused. But my faith, that God is bigger than my current circumstances, gets me through the day.

You can believe for the best and not get it, but isnt it better to believe for the best and not get it than to run around with a defeatest attitude all the time?

Jeffs attitude can be very contagious. It's very easy to live in a sour state of mind when things aren't going your way. It's much harder to live with the faith that God will deliver you from all of this. That even though it's hard right now, it's not going to be soon (soon for us and soon for God are relative things). Sometimes I do allow Jeffs attitude to affect me. It did earlier today. These past couple of months have been really hard on all of us. But I know, I mean really know, deep down in my soul that things are going to get better. I hold onto that belief for dear life. It's what gets me through the day. I just wish that my husband could share that with me sometimes. Its hard to live with someone who is always so worried about everything. I know that things are going to work out for us. I just wish that he could know that too. I guess thats what seperates someone who believes versus someone who doesn't. And I'm not just talking about Christians. I mean anyone who believes in something greater. Holding onto that belief, that faith that there is something greater than your circumstances that is working for your good 24/7 is extremely comforting especially when times are hardest.

Okay end rant, off my soap box now. ;)

What Could Giving Look Like?

"Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. As it is written:

'He has scattered abroad his gifts to the poor; his righteousness endures forever'"

2 Corinthians 9: 6-9 (NIV)

I have been thinking a lot about the topic of giving lately. Christmas time is called the season of giving because it is at this time of year that God gave us his son. What bigger gift could anyone receive than the gift of salvation but, what does giving look like today, right now in this economic climate?

The Salvation Army is reporting that they aren't receiving as many donations this year. People everywhere are looking for help because of job loss and other financial hardships. But this is the time no matter what our financial circumstances that we really need to be out there helping those in need.

I am not financially secure by any means. Jeff comes home the other day and tells me that his temp job is about to end. My hours at work have been cut drastically. This past month I have made half of what I normally make. But I give. I give what I can, when I can. It may not be much, but it's something. And this got me thinking, if everyone gave "just a little something", what would that look like?

If everyone in the state of Colorado (over the age of 18) gave a dollar to the Salvation Army, they would collect $3,592,037 during the holiday season. Can you believe that? If everyone in this country over the age of 18 gave a dollar to the Salvation Army, they would collect $225,084,715!!! Really what is a dollar? What do you waste a dollar on? I personally am guilty of wasting a dollar on Sausage Biscuit and Egg sandwiches at Burger King, coffee at 7-11, and buying things that clutter my home at the dollar store.

With the need so great this year, if everyone just in Colorado Springs (over the age of 18), donated a dollar to Care and Share Food Bank it would total $292,889. How many hungry people would that feed?

I don't presume to know anyone's situation. But the fact is that even if you and everyone around you gave just a small amount, it adds up. If 6 people got together and each gave $5.00, that would total $30.00 which is what a Christmas food basket costs from either Angel Food Ministries or Share Colorado. Those 6 people, with their limited funds could provide a nice dinner for a family in need.

The economic situation has me reconsidering what I spend my money on. Yes, money is tight here as it is for many people but you shouldn't be reconsidering your giving. Maybe you can't give as much as you did last year but I'm sure that even if you can't contribute financially, you can certainly give that sweater in your closet that hasn't fit in 2 years or those canned goods that you bought 6 months ago that you still haven't eaten. There is always something that you can do even if you can't give monetarily. Give your time. There are so many people who are alone this time of year, especially Seniors that just maybe want a friend. Give what you can give to others but most importantly do so cheerfully. Give from your heart and not because you feel obligated to. But I can tell you something, once you start giving its going to make you feel so good that you aren't going to want to stop.

**I found all the population statistics on www.census.gov

Crappy Start Great Finish

Okay so this week started on not so high of a note but, I have to say that it ended well.

So I was in church today like I am every Sunday and I had a revelation. I know that Circle Drive Baptist is the place for me to be. I don't really consider myself a baptist more just a general christian but, when I walk into the sanctuary, I feel...happy.

No matter how badly my day starts off, going to church makes me feel happy. I'm thinking now and I don't really know if any other church has truly made me feel happy when I walk through the door. Inspired, convicted, appreciative, guilty (yep, I have been to those kind of churches) maybe but not really happy. I had a though morning today. I just couldn't drag myself out of bed, Kylie was a bundle of energy and questions the minute I set my tired feet on the ground. That is just not cool when you are A. tired and B. have not yet had a cup of coffee. Kaitlynn was fussy. Kylie was argumentative. My face turned red and the thought of locking them both in the basement until Christmas crossed my mind. But then I realized the Christmas presents were down there. I frantically made breakfast, showered, got dressed and ran out the door at 10:48 (keep in mind that church starts at 11 and it usually takes me 20 minutes to get there). So it was a harried morning to say the least. But, when I dropped Kylie off at children's church, I see smiling faces. When I walk up the stairs to the sanctuary, I see smiling faces and people telling me "Good Morning". I walk into the sanctuary, and I see the beautifully decorated Living Christmas tree and I just felt, happy.

No matter what is going on in my life, financial difficulty, marital difficulty, feelings of loneliness and wanting to run away from it all, when I get to church it all seems to go away and I can truly focus on what should always be first in my life...God. I think that for me, God tends to get lost sometimes in the trials of the week. That should not happen I know. I should be God-minded all the time. But in the reality of this world that is hard. But, I am working on it. I realized this morning that when I am God-minded, no matter what my circumstances, I am truly happy. So that's why, being at church makes me truly happy. I can focus on what is really important. Focus on God and He will take care of the rest.

So speaking of The Living Christmas tree. I hear its a great time and if anyone wants to go, I picked up extra tickets today. Just let me know!

Thanksgiving Reflections

With the whirlwind that was yesterday and the shopping frenzy that was today, I haven't really had a chance to sit and think about the last two days. But now that the girls are in bed, I have some liberty sit and think.

Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving to me is more than just "Pilgrims" and "Indians". It's an opportunity to reflect on what blessings you have received throughout the year. With the turmoil of this past year, it's hard for me to immediately think about things that I am thankful for. But even with all the emotional upheaval and the familial upset, there are things (rather big things) that I can be thankful for.

I am thankful that Jeff finally got a job after months and months of looking.

I am thankful that Jeff has been home for an entire year. I don't think that has happened since we moved here to Colorado in 2002.

I am thankful that Jeff has gotten to know his daughters better this past year. He's really starting to learn about them and all their quirks.

I am thankful that even though we had some financial hardship this past year, we still have our home. It was touch and go for a while. It was hard to find the money to keep up the payments but God has shown me that I need to humble myself in times of need and ask for help. Thank God for my father who stepped up to help us with the payments.

I am thankful that I had enough money saved to create what I hope to be a great Christmas for the girls. I even have some money left over! I didn't blow my shopping budget this year and both girls will still have plenty to open. I even managed to get Jeff some nice things and I wrapped them already so he can't peek!

I am thankful for my full belly. Even with limited funds we still had a FULL thanksgiving dinner with all the trimmings. Not everyone is so lucky.

I am thankful that my heat works. Our heater stopped working last year after we had a gas leak. I was worried that we would have to call someone to repair it (and we didn't have the funds to pay for that after having to replace our transmission in our ONLY vehicle). By the grace of God when we went to turn on the central heat, IT WORKED!!! Thank you Jesus! We have been toasty and warm at 65 degrees ever since. I keep it at 65, I'm cheap after all!

I am thankful that Kylie is in school. When I first tried to register her, I was told that everything was full. That we would be put on the waiting list. I still have yet to hear from district 8 but, two weeks after I put in our application for Head Start we were accepted! So shes in school and its free plus they feed her lunch. It's been such a blessing!

I am thankful for my Dad. He and I have had a rocky road. We haven't had the best relationship but God spoke to my heart and humbled me. My Dad and I have been working on our relationship for a while. Its not perfect and I don't think it ever will be but at least we are working on it. He has really stepped up to help us in times of need. It's been a true blessing to have him in our lives again.

I am thankful for my two punks. Yes, they drive me nut. Yes, they are a handful. Yes, they fight with each other all the time. But I love them. They provide an endless source of entertainment and frustration. But they are mine and hey, I can't kick them out until they are 18. :)

I am thankful for my job. Lindsey is great with her flexibility. Though at times it can be demanding. But, how many jobs will let you bring your child with you when you aren't able to afford childcare? I have truly been blessed by this job.

I am thankful for coffee. My life blood! Oh how I love you my Columbia Roast.

and finally...

I am thankful for my God. Without Him, I think I would be in the nut house. He made it possible for me to survive three deployments with my sanity intact. He has made it possible that we were able to never really lack anything during our time of financial hardship. He is my provider. He is my strength. He is my comfort. He is my defender. He is my faithful friend.

In truth I could probably go on and on about what I am thankful for. When you are in a thanksgiving frame of mind, it's hard to stop thinking about all the ways you have been blessed in the last year. It's easy to start thinking of things, no matter how small they are. A blessing doesn't have to be big in order for it to be important. All blessings are important and I think recognizing those small blessings are more important than recognizing the big ones. The big ones are the obvious blessings and are usually few compared to all the little blessings that happen everyday. I think that the real secret to being happy is to see, recognize and be thankful for all the little blessings that happen everyday. To truly see the glass half full and realize that no matter how bad things are right now, there are still things to be grateful for. Focusing on the blessings and not the curses is what gets you through the day. Hey, that was deep. I should write that on my mirror too. Feel free to quote me. I'm not that deep that often. :)

I hope that everyone had a wonderful, happy and blessed Thanksgiving and that you got to experience the fabulous turkey coma!

God's Grace and Peace (Quote for Today)

So I'm sure that it comes to no surprise to anyone who knows me that I subscribe to the daily devotional email from Joel Osteen Ministries.

Well this morning was hectic to say the least. Just like any other morning in my house. I get up and I try to get up before the girls so I can have time to have my coffee and wake up. So I can center myself through prayer for the day ahead. I'm always a much nicer and more focused person when I get that morning time to myself. But it seem no matter how early I get up, I can NEVER have that morning time to myself. It seems right as I'm making my pot of coffee, Kylie wakes up and starts pestering me. "I'm hungry." "I'm thirsty." "My sister is awake." "When is breakfast?" "What are you making for breakfast." "Ma-a-am, I said sissy is awake, are you going to come and get her?" Are you as tired as I was yet?

Well that's my morning, every morning. Would probably make the sanest person snap after telling your daughter to go back to her room for the upteeth time. "Please Kylie go back to your room, I will call you when breakfast is ready." "Kylie when I said, 'Go back to your room', I didn't mean for you to sit at the door and continue to ask me questions" "Kylie just sit on your bed and be quiet." "Kylie go back to your room, you can feed the cat later." "Kylie! Kylie! Kylie!"

Oh then it gets better. I have finally had my coffee and made breakfast. I laid it out on the table and went to "rescue" the girls from their room. I send Kylie to go and eat and I proceed to change Kaitlynn. Well she did what all lovely children in diapers do first thing in the morning. She pooped! And, boy did she poop (thank God for cloth diapers, this one would have been a disaster in disposables). Well as I'm changing her she proceeds to sway her poopy butt back and forth. I tell her to stop and she smiles at me and continues until her butt makes contact with my shirt. Poop smeared into my favorite shirt. Ai Yah! This was just the "icing" on the cake for me this morning (yeah I went there)! Oh man, just what I needed right!

So after rinsing off myself, Kaitlynn's diaper and changing my shirt, I sat down to FINALLY eat my now cold breakfast. Why is it that I never get to eat hot food? Hmmmm. Anyhow, I open up my email and there is my daily devotional from Joel Osteen Ministries and this is what it said...

May God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ give you grace and peace

2 Thessalonians 1:2, NLT

This is the same verse in NIV

Grace and peace to you from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

If you keep reading, it gets even better...

We ought always to thank God for you, brothers, and rightly so, because your faith is growing more and more, and the love every one of you has for each other is increasing. Therefore, among God’s churches we boast about your perseverance and faith in all the persecutions and trials you are enduring.

2 Thessalonians 1:3-4 NIV

Wow, exactly what I needed to hear this morning. Grace and Peace. Yes Lord, I need Your divine grace and peace this morning. Lord, I know I have a quick temper and I repent for that. My children are just children and they need me to be a good example for them. Please envelope me in Your divine grace and peace today so that I can become a godly example for them. An example of Your peace and love in their lives.

Amen.

Boy, do I feel better!

Now if I could just find the motivation I need to clean the never ending mess in this house, all will be right with the world. I will never understand how children can be such tornadoes.

The Gift of Giving (Bible Quote of the Day)

Okay so I realize that its late in the day to have a quote for today. I am also VERY tired, it's been a long day so please excuse me if I ramble and make no sense. :)

...so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.

Romans 12:5-8

Basically what this says to me is that we all need to take care of each other. But not just take care of each other, but take care of each other according to our spiritual gifts.

I think what frustrates me the most about finances is that I do believe I have the gift of serving. I have a servants heart, meaning I like to help people. I get so frustrated because my desire is to help financially for some. I see such a need in some people that I want to reach out and make it all better. But, I cant help financially.

So my last passage got me thinking. How can I still serve without financial giving? Well the first way I am serving is through my Military Blog. I am trying to create a resource for people to go to. I was a spouse of a deployed solider. I know how hard it can be. I have a heart for our military because I was in that situation. People can empathize but until you are a military wife you never really, truly understand.

The second way I have decided that I am going to serve is by making hats for the Thanksgiving feast. Well what do hats have to do with a Thanksgiving meal? Well my church is also giving out winter coats and hats to those who need them. I know for sure that I cannot go out and buy coats but I have a lot of yarn in the basement and a lot of scrap fleece just sitting around.

I'm also making pies for the Thanksgiving feast. That's definitely something I can do.

I guess the bottom line is, my last post was so desperate that it got me thinking. How can I truly give up my situation to God? Well the answer is, by not focusing on my situation. By focusing on others. Essentially not putting enough importance on what is going on with me but to put all the energy I would spend worrying on giving to people who have far less than I do.

We did do our shoe box after all. I dipped into our Christmas fund for it. I figure its worth it. It gets Kylie thinking about ways she can help others. She is so "me" centered. And well, shes 4. But I want to get her out of that mindset. I want to get her to stop focusing on what she wants (not needs) and to start realizing that she has a lot compared to many other people.

That's something I have to remember too. Yes, we may be financially strapped right now but we have a roof over our heads, we have nice clothes to wear, we have dirty dishes piled in the sink because we have food to eat. So yes the finances suck, but it could be worse. I am very blessed to have what I have. And I think focusing my efforts on what I can do to help others and not what I cant do or my current situation, I think that's the way I can truly give it all to him and completely surrender my circumstances. Give up control, I guess is another way to put it.

So again, preaching mostly to myself here.

My Inspirational Verse for Today

So I'm going to attempt to post a new verse everyday. I was thinking about it yesterday and it dawned on me that the days I focus on the Lord and his word, are much better days. I think this was mostly a "duh" moment. I mean that should be obvious.

Well this is my verse for today:

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 NIV

If you are a believer, this is such an encouraging verse I have been having so many issues lately with the girls and just a lot of dissatisfaction in my own life. I feel lonely. I miss having friends to hang out with on a daily basis. I guess I mostly am missing human interaction. Jeff is not one for human interaction lately. Hes been drawing into himself a lot. And I guess I have been too. I have been spending a lot of time by myself in my bedroom. I have no motivation to be or do anything right now. I just am.

I think I get bogged down too much with the day to day. In fact I know I get bogged down to much with the day to day, and I personally think I may still have a mild depression going on, but with no medical care right now, hey whatcha gonna do right? Things are not roses and sunshine. But that falls back to what Dr. Mike says a lot, "Real Christians have Real Problems." Things do not become better instantaneously once you submit your life to Christ. But it's like what I said in older posts, it's not your situation, its your attitude about your situation. I am working on my attitude. I am trying to live my life one day at a time. I am trying to give my worries to God. I am trying to be joyful despite my circumstances but that is SO. DARN. HARD. It's hard to look past the seen and into the eternal here after. It's hard to have joy despite your circumstances and for a control freak like me it's hard to give everything to God and know not just hope, things will turn out okay. It's hard.

I have a desire in my heart to get involved in a prayer group again. I miss being apart of a small bible study and prayer group. I have a desire to seek out a Christian mentor. Not just any mentor but someone who walks the walk. Jesus said that you will know a tree by its fruit. Many of the Christians I have known, talked a good talk but didn't walk the walk.

But I know that if God puts a desire in your heart, its for a reason. So I'm going to work on being more spiritually minded. I'm going to work on looking past my natural circumstances and trusting that God will take care of my needs.

I'm working on it...

Contagious Attitude

Good Morning!

So I kinda touched on the topic of attitudes yesterday and it got me thinking about who's attitude I would like to "catch".

My youngest daughter Kaitlynn has the best attitude...well most of time. She is almost 2 after all.

I'm really going to try to be like her when it comes to some things.

Shes always so thrilled about the smallest things. Literally and figuratively. She absolutely just loves to see my "horse". I play that "My Farm" game on Facebook and I have a horse on my farm. Just seeing the horse on the computer screen thrills her to no end. She gets so excited when she sees this tiny cgi horse. I wish I could be like that. Granted small things do thrill me (like gas prices dropping another 2 whole cents here in Fountain) but, mostly and especially when it comes to my husband, I need a large display of something to make me happy.

I need to get back to just loving the small stuff. Being so appreciative of the little things. Nothing gets by Kaitlynn unappreciated and I just want to be more like that. But, when my day is crappy, I don't always see the little things. I don't always appreciate that picture that Kylie drew for me because shes being annoying. I don't appreciate the fact that Jeff finally said "Thank You". Instead of being mad at him for all the times that he didn't say it.

And speaking bibically, God wants us to acknowledge Him. We don't always acknowledge the way that God works in our lives. I need to be more receptive to that. God, like everyone else loves His props. Just thinking from my earthly perspective, I hate it when I do something and I don't get acknowledged for it. So I'm working on that not just from a spiritual perspective but an earthly one as well.

Kaitlynn also makes those around her feel really special because of her attitude. I just love it when she sees me. Her face lights up and she says "Momma", like she hasn't seen me in years and being that shes almost 2 that's a big deal. ;) How many times have I seen someone that I haven't seen for a while and been nonchalant about it? I want to make those around me feel as special as I do when I walk in the door to Kaitlynn's bright shining face.

But, its not so easy to do that. Its hard to feel out when people are receptive to that kind of response you know. Not everyone appreciates that. But, maybe I should do it anyways just because. Plus, when you aren't in the mood for anything, its easy just to dismiss someone.

I guess that's what it all comes down to though. Changing my attitude right. Trying to turn the "mood" into a good one and not a gloomy one. Cause really, who wants to hang around with a gloomy person all day, right?

Its something that isn't going to happen overnight. But I do live in the "why me" a lot. I need to stop that. Its not good for me, my blood pressure or those around me.

I'm going to resolve to work on that. If I change my attitude, I know that things will get better. Not because they are better but because I perceive them to be better. Like that second family in the PW story.

How funny

Okay so earlier this morning, I was talking about how I worry about the finances. Wouldn't you know it but in today's sermon Dr. Mike talked about what the bible says about your finances. It's his new message series.

How appropriate right!

Well so what does the bible say?

Our verse today was Matthew 6: 25-34

I'm not going to spell it out for you, you can read it if you want. But the scripture is about how God created us and we shouldn't worry about what we are going to eat and what we are going to put on. God takes care of all His creations from the birds in the air to the flowers in the field so He will take care of us too. He will provide for all of our needs (not to be confused with all of our wants) we just have to trust in Him.

Powerful. I can think of many examples when God has taken care of people that have trusted in Him. Where when these people trusted in Him, He not only took care of their needs but their wants as well. There is John and Kate Gosselin, The Duggar Family, many of the families on the show Kids by the Dozen, The Blodel family (you probably don't know them, they are friends of mine) etc. It's all about faith and most of all attitude.

Check this out from Pioneer Woman (www.thepioneerwoman.com). I LOVE her! Her husband and girls just went down to the Dominican Republic with Compassion International. Just listen to what her husband had to say about two different families there:

"The first in-home visit was almost too much to take. The futility of the family’s situation was overwhelming. The mother was worried about her kids, wanted them to do well in school, stay away from drugs, find some way to a better life, but she had almost zero hope. While her daughter is in Compassion’s Child Sponsorship Program and receives help with education, health care and extra nutrition, you could tell from listening to the mother that she was scared and discouraged. Her mother had worked on a batey, and she’d grown up in extreme poverty. Now she sees her children growing up the same way, and her son is starting to get into trouble.

This visit discouraged him. He saw how miserable they were. They had no hope and walking into a situation like that, wouldn't it discourage you too? Aren't peoples attitudes contagious?

But check out what he had to say about the second family...

"...as I expected, there wasn’t a bit of difference in the living conditions between the two households—both were two-parent families living in the crudest of homes. But there was one noticeable difference: the presence of faith.

Faith. It’s a hard subject for me to talk about. I’d almost hoped that I could just come on this trip and skirt around the issue, focusing mostly on all the good surface work that’s being done here. But I need to step outside of my comfort zone for a minute. Bear with me.

What I found within minutes of entering the second home was that the mother of this family was filled with joy and was thankful for what little they had…and the feeling of hope in the home was palpable. As it turned out, not only is the family actively involved in the local church, this mother had actually been a sponsored child with Compassion during her childhood. (Ben M. from Michigan, you did a great thing when you decided to sponsor this woman when she was a child.)"

Their situations weren't different. Their living conditions weren't different. The only thing that was different was the faith that the second family had.

During these hard economic times, I want to be the second family. They have much less than I do, but they have 10x the faith. They have 10x the joy in their circumstances. I have so much material wise compared to this family, but they have more than I do. They have true faith and joy. Faith and joy despite their circumstances. This is something I aspire to be.

I have resolved to live with less. I am going to start downsizing in the coming weeks. I don't need all the "things" that I have. Heck I have a punch bowl, brand new in the box. I haven't opened it since I bought it over 2 years ago. Why did I buy it? Cause it was cheap and I thought it would be a good idea to have a punchbowl "just in case". Hmmm.... I have a lot of things like this. Do I need it? NO. Can I live without it? YES. Can someone else be blessed by a brand new punchbowl? Of course.

We have too much in this country, compared to those who live in places like the Dominican Republic. Is our reaction to the downturn in the economy because we like to have stuff and are too worried about not having stuff? I know my reaction had a lot to do with that. Just read my last post.

But I'm going to live this week with the faith that God will take care of me. In the midst of my horrible, horrendous week last week, God blessed me with winning something on the radio. That one small thing, uplifted my whole day. God is good! No matter what happens in life, how bad it can get, just remember that God is good. Mostly speaking to myself here. I'm going to write that down and put it on my mirror with my other inspirational thoughts.

Okay I'm off my soap box now.

If you want to read the entire advetures of Marlboro Man and their girls, please visit www.pioneerwoman.com and click on "confessions". It's incredibly inspirational. Just so you know!