Marriage, Oy Vay!

So that was us, 8 1/2 years ago. We got married at the Justice of the Peace in Honolulu, Hawaii on September 25th, 2000. I was 20, Jeff was 21. Boy were we young and naive. And look at how cute I was! I didn't have a clue what I was in for.

Since then we have had so many ups and downs. In civilian time we have been married for 8 1/2 years. In military time, 5 1/2 years. Each deployment has brought it's own share of trials. And even with everything we have been through, I still love the stinker. Every ounce of me wants to make my marriage work. And right now, for the most part it is. But it was really touch and go there for a while. I was at the point where I was done. I couldn't take it anymore. I even questioned whether or not I still loved him. At one point last Fall, I told Jeff that I wanted a divorce, and every ounce of me said that I was completely done. When the words, "I want a divorce" exited my mouth, it felt like this huge burden had been lifted from me. I didn't know how I was going to support myself and my children but I just knew I could do it. I think at that point, Jeff knew that this time, I was serious. And it was at that moment, that I saw my husband start to change.

Nothing changed overnight. It was the little things. Helping me more around the house. Less complaining about household chores. Curbing his spending habits. More attentive. Making an effort to turn off his game at night to come and spend time with me after the girls went to sleep. Little things that had been lacking in our relationship, were starting to be built back in. He came to me and told me that he wanted to learn about me all over again. He wanted to "study" me. There was still a lot of work to be done in our marriage but I just knew that this was God doing a work in my husband. Whether he believes that or not, this was God's hand at work.

Our marriage is far from perfect now and we have fallen back into some old habits. But we really try to be more considerate of each other. We try not to be to serious about things. We try to support each other. Marriage is hard work. It's not sunshine and rainbows all the time. I was an idealistic 20 year old when I got married. I didn't realize how rough the road ahead of me was going to be. I didn't realize what marriage was going to be like. I didn't realize that marriage is like a garden. It needs constant care. You need to take time everyday to tend to it. You need to keep away the parasites. You need to make sure that it gets enough water and sunshine or like my cilantro, it will die. It won't die suddenly but it will slowly wilt until all you have left is a brown shriveled thing. But like a garden, if you do take that time to make sure that it is healthy and bears fruit, you will reap a wonderful harvest.

Okay now I sound all convoluted. But you get what I mean. Marriage takes time, it takes love and it takes constant work. But if you are willing to put forth the effort especially in the rough times, it makes it all worth it in the end. I think that's what I learned throughout all of this. I learned to push through, even during the famine and the drought. I think that's why the movie Fireproof, spoke to me so much. And it's probably why my marriage has been on my mind a lot lately. We are still trying to make it work, but I have to say that I am more satisfied and happy in my relationship now than I have been in a long time.