Religion vs. Relationship.

So today I was talking to one of my friends and I was telling her about my church and she asked me but how can a church not be religious? How can you be a Christian and follow a religion without being religious. What exactly is the difference between religion and relationship.

This is the way I see it. Some may disagree. Religion bound means that you believe that everything has to be a certain way. That you judge not only others but yourself for not conforming to your ideals of faith. That you do not respect other beliefs and try to force your beliefs and opinions on others around you. You basically conform to your ideal of what a Christian, Muslim, Jew, whatever is. That you are bound by the rules that you or others have set up for you and not by your faith. That you look down on those that do not believe the same way that you do and feel that you need to get them to view things exactly the way you do. That you feel that those that do not believe the same as you do must be bad/evil/destructive. That you do not allow certain things/people/movies/literature/toys what have you into your home because they could be harmful to your faith and the way you see things.

I used to be religion bound. It was not a fun place to be. I used to be extremely judgmental. I used to think that toys or books were evil and needed to be banned from my house. I used to think that people who would allow such practices must be evil. I had a fear of those that were different because different was not good. So not a fun person to be around.

So what am I now? I have a relationship and not a religion. I have a relationship with God and my Lord Jesus. I am not bound by the way people think a Christian should be. I'm a Liberal Christian...I think that says it all. I'm left-wing baby, on most things.

But what does that mean? To me that means that I strive to be a good person. I strive to volunteer my time to help others. I give as much as I can. I listen with an open heart and try (try being key) not to judge others. I try to model love and not condemnation. I admit that I am fallible. I admit that I am not perfect and I'm not going to tell you how to live your life by my ideals. I no longer believe that things are going to corrupt me by their mere presence. I try to stay God-minded and not rule minded. I am a child of the most high God and as all children, you misbehave at times. You don't always follow the rules, but you try. You try to better yourself. I don't try to break the rules but rule breaking happens. I am human, I am flesh. Mistakes happen. I have certain beliefs that I strive to achieve on a daily basis. I do not ever want to make anyone feel condemned or that I think I am better than they are because of my beliefs. I want to model the love of God. I want to be more like Jesus. It's something I strive for. I do not want to limit my friends to just people that believe the way I do. Yes, it is good to surround yourself with Christians but at the same time, Jesus didn't just hang out with the believes. He was down with the tax collectors and prostitutes, giving them the gospel and showing them God's love and His love. Yes I do live my life based on the ideals I see in the Bible. But I don't see living by the Bible as being religion bound. I have my own opinions of what the bible tells me. But ultimately the most important thing is faith and trusting in God. Not being judgemental. Letting God take care of your battles. Loving others. Forgiving past wrongs. Giving to others. Letting God be the ultimate judge and protector and leaving it in His holy hands.

I think for a lot of people its the judgement aspect of being religion bound that gets them. That's the people that really and truly stick out in their mind. You did this therefore I think poorly of you. Or, you are this therefore I *know* that I am better than you. But the bible says that we should not judge others because the way we judge others is the way that God will judge us. Everyone is fallible. Everyone makes mistakes. No one is perfect. It was Jesus that said "Let he who has no sin cast the first stone." No one wants to hang out with a person who is going to sit there and judge them for everything little thing they do. It is no my place nor anyone else to judge others. No one person is better than any other person.

Hypocrisy is another aspect that comes up when I talk to people. Jeff especially. This is what turned him away from Catholicism. I admit that I am fallible. People know that I am a Christian but I am definitely not going to tell you how to live your life. I will tell you how my faith has helped me but I will not sit there and preach to you about how you should live or why you should believe the way that I do. This is because I am not perfect. I have my issues. I have my hang-ups that I am trying to work through. If my house is messy I'm not going to sit there and tell you how you should clean yours up you know. I never want to give a perfect facade because life has its ups and downs. My life didn't suddenly become sunshine and roses once I became a Christian. I'm still me, but now I have a strong faith that guides me and helps me to pull through the tough times.

So when it comes to religion vs relationship, I know what I have and what it means to me. A relationship is much more freeing than religion. Religion deals with fear, condemnation and guilt. I never want to be in that place ever again.

A great quote from Ghandi says, "I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. They are so unlike your Christ." For me, I don't want to be included in that statement. I want to be more like Jesus. I want to model his love and acceptance and unconditional faith to those around me. I try, I hope that I'm doing a pretty decent job of it.

Marriage on my Mind...

So I'm sure you've noticed that I've had my marriage on my mind a lot lately. I guess it's mostly because we are getting back into the military. We just started doing well again. We just started learning how to live with each other again and now that dynamic may change and it terrifies me.

When you are in the service, any service, you have to be ready to move when the time comes but we have roots here in Colorado. We have a house, I have good friends, Kylie is in school. So Jeff and I have been talking about the prospect of him becoming a Geo-Bachelor. In the military that is when a married soldier moves to a new area without his family. I know people who have done that. It's hard. Not as hard as a deployment because they aren't in a combat situation but it's still hard. The kids still have to go without their father, and when he does come back, we'll have to start the process of learning to live with each other all over again.

It took over a year for us to finally readjust to each other. Yes, I know we are committed to making it work but if our marriage goes down the path it did last summer, I don't think I have the strength in me to "fight the good fight".

I know that this is a situation that I need to trust God with. I do trust Him, but my flesh is still afraid of the unknown. My flesh wants to resist the change and the possibility that we'll have to live without him again. My flesh doesn't believe that it has the strength to keep going when it comes to another long distance marriage. My flesh knows it's hard and doesn't want to put up with the struggle. But I remind myself of what an awesome God I serve. I remind myself that God will keep me strong and pull me through the hard times. I remind myself that with God, nothing is impossible. I remind myself that God has a true and perfect will for my life and that I need to submit to Him and not to my flesh.

It's easy to think all those things, but to really believe them in your mind and heart are something totally different. I encourage myself everyday. I try to surround myself with Godly people. That's why I like to go to prayer group on Wednesday nights. To be around others that are joyful in the Lord is a great encouragement to me. That is why I love Circle Drive Baptist and that's why I have a drive and desire to participate and volunteer there. Circle Drive Baptist helps to keep me God-centered. Most days for me are good days and when the bad days come, I try to remember the God that I serve.

I guess, I'm saying that I'm going to trust God when it comes to my marriage. I am so tired some days of putting on the brave face. But it's hard for me to sleep at night. I have such weird dreams that even in my waking hours I would say that it doesn't bother me and I trust in God, my insecurities manifest in my dreams. So I'm trying to resist my fleshly urges and remind myself that God is in control.

Now being a control freak, that's a hard concept for me. But there is something freeing about putting my situation in the hands of my almighty God.

Jeff and I had some really hard times, and I don't think that God would have repaired my marriage just to see it fail somewhere down the road. There are times when God tries to separate you from things that aren't good for you. And there are times when God tries to push you toward something that He knows is the best for you, but your flesh is resisting.

I will continue to trust God with my marriage. If Jeff has to become a Geo-Bachelor because he needs to PCS and we can't sell the house, I'll leave my marriage and all the complications of single parenthood to Him.

I guess after struggling with our relationship for so long, I just don't want to let Jeff go off somewhere without me. I don't want what we have found to die. But that's my fleshly worries again...

I'm rambling. Have you noticed that in a lot of my posts lately? I guess I just have a lot on my mind.

Putting the Tiny Person to Bed.

I just got through putting Kaitlynn to bed. Lemme just tell you how this went tonight.

First it started with a bath. I asked her, "Do you want a bath?" She replies, "Jes, bat (Yes, bath). Jes, bat. Yay!" And proceeds to run off to the bathroom attempting to take off her diaper.

At the bathroom door she asks, "My potty. Potty." So I ask her, "Do you want to sit on the potty?" To which she replies, "Jes, potty. Jes, potty. Yay!"

So I take off her diaper while she continues to chant, "Jes, potty. Yay!" And then plop her down on the potty. She looks at me with a huge smile on her face and says "Potty, Yay!". She sat there for about 3 minutes and made pushing noises. Announces, "Poopy. Potty. Yay!" and then tells me "Dun". So I pull her off the potty and... There nothing in there. Ha ha fooled you. :)

Then I plop her into the bathtub and proceed to scrub her down and then let her play for a while. After about 10 minutes, she was already starting to shake and her lips were turning blue. I told her it was time to get out. "Time to get out" was immediate followed by wild crying and screaming. She loves her bath time. She did not want to get out even if she turned into a blue popsicle. So I pull the screaming mass out of the bathtub and take her to the bedroom to get her ready for bed.

After wiping her up, lotioning her up (shes got eczema on her legs again) and putting a new diaper on her, I put her pjs on. As I'm zipping up her pjs, she looks at me and says, "No wanna go bed." I look her in the eyes and say, "It's bed time. You need to go to bed." This was answered with a "Hmpf." Then she crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. ROLLED HER EYES! SHES 2! Kylie didn't start rolling her eyes at me until she was at least 3 1/2. Why does the second child grow up so much faster than the first child. And why is it that they pick up the attitude first?

Okay so I thought this was a good story. Jeff says I don't get to my point fast enough. Ha, well I guess for once, I proved him right.

Dinner on the Cheap

I love saving money. I love getting bargains. But I didn't save much money this weekend. But I did get a lot of bargains.

On Friday I got a generous loan from my Dad. He not only sent us enough money to pay our mortgage but some extra as well. So I went grocery shopping! We were running a little low on supplies. My fridge was pretty bare and Albertsons was having a fabulous sale, so I went and made the most of it! I spent almost $100.00 at Albertsons alone but I got some great deals! And let me say that we are stocked for a very long time.

So tonight we are having "Dinner on the Cheap".

A pretty nice dinner I must say. However only one thing on the menu was actually bought at the Albertsons sale. The rest of my dinner came from my Commissary shopping spree today. The Commissary had pork steaks for $0.97/lb, so I bought a tray. 4 huge pork steaks (they filled my 11X15 pan) for $3.57. Then Au Gratin potatoes I also got at the Commissary for $1.50 for the family sized box. And Finally broccoli I bought on sale at Albertsons last week. I think it was $0.88/lb.

So in all under $6.00 for dinner for 4 people. If I had made rice to go with it instead of the Au Gratin Potatoes, it would have been a lot cheaper but I'm not feeling like rice today. The last time we went out to a restaurant (Thank God we had a gift card), it was over $35.00 for 4 people. Crazy! Even a fast food meal for 4 would cost around $20.00. That's why I don't go to restaurants very often.


** Please note I was going to take a picture of my delicious and inexpensive dinner but I didn't have time to. Once it was cooked, I fed the girls and the hubby, ate my portion and ran off to prayer meeting at church. When I got home some chunky person who shall remain nameless told me that HE, "Put the rest of the food away...Put it away in my belly!" So alas, no picture of my gorgeous, yummy, cheap dinner. :)

Marriage, Oy Vay!

So that was us, 8 1/2 years ago. We got married at the Justice of the Peace in Honolulu, Hawaii on September 25th, 2000. I was 20, Jeff was 21. Boy were we young and naive. And look at how cute I was! I didn't have a clue what I was in for.

Since then we have had so many ups and downs. In civilian time we have been married for 8 1/2 years. In military time, 5 1/2 years. Each deployment has brought it's own share of trials. And even with everything we have been through, I still love the stinker. Every ounce of me wants to make my marriage work. And right now, for the most part it is. But it was really touch and go there for a while. I was at the point where I was done. I couldn't take it anymore. I even questioned whether or not I still loved him. At one point last Fall, I told Jeff that I wanted a divorce, and every ounce of me said that I was completely done. When the words, "I want a divorce" exited my mouth, it felt like this huge burden had been lifted from me. I didn't know how I was going to support myself and my children but I just knew I could do it. I think at that point, Jeff knew that this time, I was serious. And it was at that moment, that I saw my husband start to change.

Nothing changed overnight. It was the little things. Helping me more around the house. Less complaining about household chores. Curbing his spending habits. More attentive. Making an effort to turn off his game at night to come and spend time with me after the girls went to sleep. Little things that had been lacking in our relationship, were starting to be built back in. He came to me and told me that he wanted to learn about me all over again. He wanted to "study" me. There was still a lot of work to be done in our marriage but I just knew that this was God doing a work in my husband. Whether he believes that or not, this was God's hand at work.

Our marriage is far from perfect now and we have fallen back into some old habits. But we really try to be more considerate of each other. We try not to be to serious about things. We try to support each other. Marriage is hard work. It's not sunshine and rainbows all the time. I was an idealistic 20 year old when I got married. I didn't realize how rough the road ahead of me was going to be. I didn't realize what marriage was going to be like. I didn't realize that marriage is like a garden. It needs constant care. You need to take time everyday to tend to it. You need to keep away the parasites. You need to make sure that it gets enough water and sunshine or like my cilantro, it will die. It won't die suddenly but it will slowly wilt until all you have left is a brown shriveled thing. But like a garden, if you do take that time to make sure that it is healthy and bears fruit, you will reap a wonderful harvest.

Okay now I sound all convoluted. But you get what I mean. Marriage takes time, it takes love and it takes constant work. But if you are willing to put forth the effort especially in the rough times, it makes it all worth it in the end. I think that's what I learned throughout all of this. I learned to push through, even during the famine and the drought. I think that's why the movie Fireproof, spoke to me so much. And it's probably why my marriage has been on my mind a lot lately. We are still trying to make it work, but I have to say that I am more satisfied and happy in my relationship now than I have been in a long time.

Moral Dilemma

Okay so I have a moral dilemma.

There is a group on Facebook that is entitled "Soldiers Are Not Heroes". And there is a group on Facebook that is called "Petition to get the group 'Soldiers are not heroes' off Facebook!"

Now I'm usually of feel that everyone has a right to their own opinions. But this group has some really offensive things to say.

They want to schedule a "peaceful" protest by having each member create their own t-shirts with some sort of slogan. Here are two recommended by the group:

"Proud not to murder civilians for a living"
"Everyone knows soldiers are best covered in egg"

Now this group also says that, "THIS GROUP DOES NOT CONDONE VIOLENCE OF ANY KIND. THIS WILL BE A PEACEFUL PROTEST AGAINST TAX-FUNDED HIRED KILLERS."

But when you have a slogan on your shirt, that says a soldier is best covered in egg, what kind of response are you expecting? If you are calling soldiers tax-funded hired killers, what kind of people are you attracting? Are you going to attract the type of person who wants to have a peaceful protest or are you going to attract the type of person who is going to build an IED and put it on the side of the road?

Maybe I'm just too sensitive on this topic. I'm a former-soon-to-be-again military wife. I have been through 3 deployments. I have seen what war and loss does to families and soldiers, I have been there first hand. Never in my wildest thoughts would I ever consider a soldier of any kind a tax-funded hired killer.

My husband worked in a Medevac unit. He NEVER took a life. He helped to save lives. And not just the lives of the soldiers out there. The lives of insurgents as well. There was one instance during our second deployment where our unit Medevaced an insurgent who was responsible for the IED that killed 3 Marines. So yes, I am a little sensitive when it comes to calling a soldier a tax-funded hired killer.

So this is my dilemma. Do I join the petition group that is trying to get this wholly offensive to me group kicked off of Facebook. Or do I respect another individuals right to an opinion no matter how offensive it is, or should I just shut up?

Fireproof

Have you seen this movie? If you haven't, you should.

When I first started watching "Fireproof", I tried really hard to see past the "hard to buy" acting. But as I kept watching this movie and became entwined in the story, the original criticism I had about the acting just sort of faded away.

Fireproof is a powerful story. In an age where marriages don't last forever. In an age where divorce is an easy out, Fireproof is a story about putting everything you have into trying to make your marriage work. Trying to turn your relationship around for the better. Because during a fire, during the most trying times, "you never leave your partner behind".

Now I'm not against divorce. Sometimes you just can't fix something no matter how hard you try. Especially if only one person is committed to trying to fix something. I myself, have contemplated divorce. Things were touch and go there for a while but my husband has been trying to change, to be a better man. That and my faith in God is what has held my marriage together.

Beyond the deep Christian, God devotion aspect to the story, there is something that I think no matter if you are Christian or not is something that before we call it quits we should all take a look at. And that is "The Love Dare". The Love Dare is something that I think should be handed out to every married soldier who redeploys to the states (and their spouses). It's a 40 day challenge. A challenge that will change the way you treat your spouse. A challenge that if done with a committed heart, will change your relationship for the better.

There was one thing in The Love Dare that really spoke to me. I can't remember what day it was, 21 or something like that. But it talked about how when a man is trying to woo his wife, will study her and learn everything about her. But after they marry, and he has won his wife, he stops studying her. He stops learning about her but 7 years from the day that he marries her, she will most likely be a completely different person from the day they were married. But he has stopped studying her and because shes different and hes different, they grow apart. That concept just spoke to me. Jeff and I had that same conversation a couple months ago. He felt like he didn't know me anymore. He didn't know what I was interested in. He had no clue what to buy me for Christmas because he didn't know what I liked, what size I was, etc etc. He stopped studying me, where as I never stopped studying him.

Pardon my long-windedness but this movie just spoke to my heart. The marriage that they depicted was just so close to my own that it was scary. Jeff was a soldier and not a firefighter but pretty much the same concept. He wouldn't leave a fellow soldier behind, but when things were at their worst, he was willing to leave me behind. Thank God that is changing now. We didn't do The Love Dare but it is something I would love to challenge myself to do. If I get a hold of the book and start The Love Dare, I will update you on my progress.

I Will Resist...

She is not cute and adorable. I will resist. She does not have us wrapped around her finger. I will resist. She does not do strange and wacky things. I will resist. She does not say the cutest things ever. I will resist.

Okay so today, I was reading one of my favorite blogs The Pioneer Woman. This adorable, small person comes up to me and worms her way up into my lap. As I'm looking at pictures she starts pointing to the screen. "Hoe-see, Hoe-see". "Ohhh was dat?," as she points to some bedding on the screen. Then she forcefully moves my hands away from my keyboard and mouse. Waves her hand in my face and says "I-gaw-dis. I-gaw-dis". Her father's favorite saying, "I got this". He likes to say that when he does something like miss his off ramp on the interstate or when I start doing the dishes 3 hours after I asked him to do it.

It was just so cute. To hear her say it. In her little tiny girl voice. Waving her hand at me like a teenager saying, "I-gaw-dis". Then as I remove her from my lap and chase her down the hallway, she runs into the kitchen and freezes. She turns to the cupcakes sitting on the counter, smacks her lips and says with her head cocked to the side and a big smile on her face, "Peee-ze, Cake. Yah!"

I will resist.

How Much Do You Really Have to Spend to Have a Great Birthday?

My littlest turned two today. Oh how does time fly. But even before Jeff was laided off, I wanted to see if I could take the handmade challenge and go totally mommy made for her birthday. Her birthday budget just like Kylies was $40.00 and I was WELL under budget going all handmade and I ended up making her a TON of things. Just take a look.



One of the dress sets purchased at a store would have cost me $20.00 just by itself. But I was able to make all this for under $20.00! Yep you heard me under $20.00. It just took a lot of time and patience and research and she had a very blessed birthday if I do say so myself. :)

Her sister even got in on the act and made her a coloring book.



Unfortunately, Jeff is not crafty. But he enjoyed watching me make the presents. Oh and making fun of me everytime I screamed when I pricked my finger. He throughly enjoyed that.

Doesn't the birthday girl look happy? And thats the most important thing right?



Happy Birthday My Love! I hope that you felt spoiled and adored on your 2nd birthday!

Octuplets: Ethics vs a Womans Rights.

You know the story, it's been all over the news. The second set of living octuplets born in the United States about 2 weeks ago. This miraculous birth has sparked many debates about the ethics involved with implanting 8 embryos into one woman.

Some contend that regulating the number of embryos will start the United States on a path to regulating the number of children we can have. To me this is not a rational opinion.

Regulating the number of embryos is not the same thing as regulating the amount of children you have. Lets say that a woman is implanted with 3 embryos. Those embryos could, though very rare, become a set of sextuplets or more. Regulating the number of embryos has everything to do with trying to protect the mother and the babies that she is carrying. The risks are great in cases of high order multiples. You have the risks to the mother as well as immeasurable risks to the babies.

In the case of IVF (in-vitro fertilization), you are able to control how many embryos you implant. In the case of IUI, you cannot control the number of babies. IUI (intrauterine insemination), is the where you normally see high order multiples. In the case of the Gosselins and Hayes families. Two families both already with a set of multiples (in the case of the Hayes family they had two sets of twins), they both had IUI. In IUI, the mother takes fertility drugs to encourage her eggs to drop then when the woman is fertile they insert the fathers sperm. In this case, you have no control over how many babies you will have. You have no control over how many eggs will drop. You have a higher likelihood of having high order multiples. But again the risks are still great. The Gosselins are lucky in that their children have really no lasting effects. They are all healthy and well. In the case of the Hayes family one of their sextuplets has cerebral palsy. In many cases of sextuplets and higher order multiples, not all the babies survive.

So is it worth it? Is it worth it to take that risk when you don't have to? I don't know. For me it's not. But this is where the mother's rights come into play. What if the patient is adamant? What do you do? If I were her doctor I would probably have first mandated counseling. I mean, if you have to go into counseling before you get your tubes tied or an IUD inserted, why shouldn't you have to go to counseling before you have 8 embryos implanted into your uterus?

But I don't know. Are the rights of the mother greater than the law? Should a mother be allowed to put her body and her children through such an ordeal? I think that question is too big for me. Its not just black and white.

Am I mad about the situation? Yes. The more I find out about the mother and her situation, yes, I am mad (probably more so at her doctor than at her). I am frustrated at the doctor who allowed this to happen in the first place. Should my view supersede the rights of the mother? No. But should the doctor who helped her get pregnant be investigated or even to some extent held responsible for this? Definitely.

Still More Changes

So I'm still tweaking. I have added the grey background. I have added the cream background. (I changed it right after I posted this.) I think it makes the colors pop a little more. Hopefully my blog isn't so BLAH anymore and its a little more visually appealing.

I can say that right now, I am very happy with the look. I hope you agree. It took forever to find complimentary green colors that worked with the other colors I had chosen btw.

How Do You Like the New Look?

I have been playing around with the blog today. I don't know if I'm 100% happy with the way it looks right now. I would love to hear some feedback from those that read the blog. Let me know what you think about the changes and what I could do to make it more "eye catching".

First Trip to the Dentist

Kylie had her first official visit to the dentist today. A visit that started with a routine exam and ended with cavities being filled and a tooth being pulled.

As I watched her small little body in the dental chair I was nervous. This was her first trip to the dentist, I didn't want her to be scarred for life. I didn't want her to be afraid of the dental chair. Here was this little, tiny girl in this huge chair with a drill in her mouth and she was...singing!

Yep, that's right, my daughter was singing and making motor boat noises to the amusement of the dentist and his assistant.

I personally hate the dentist. I don't like having other people put their hands in my mouth. My dentist was a nice enough guy but not the most gentle personality. The dentist that Kylie saw today was great. Great demeanor. Great sense of humor. Great bedside manor.

This potentially horrific dental visit, turned into a fun time for Kylie. If I hadn't known better, I would have sworn that they gave her some nitrous oxide. But no, she was genuinely chipper through out the entire visit and I swear even with all the instruments in her mouth, she still tried to talk the dentist's ear off. She is so my child.

But now she has a whole new smile. She really doesn't like it. She says that she will never smile again. I don't know how true that is going to be. But she is fascinated by the hole in her mouth.

I Walked Into the Room and What Did I See?

A monkey sitting on a bookcase...

Yep, she climbed out of her crib this morning and was sitting on her bookcase. Kylie came to get me saying, "Mommy, Mommy, Kaitlynn is sitting on the bookcase."

Now this is not the first time it happened. This has happened before but we lowered her crib as far as it would go and figured that it would not be a problem...until this morning.

My children are very special I tell you what.

Operation Christmas Child Revisit

So a couple of months ago I talked about giving and how we put together a shoe box for Operation Christmas Child.

I love Operation Christmas Child! And this year, we actually got to see the child that our box went to.



Kylie got a huge envelope in the mail from a missionary group called "Build the Future USA". They sent her a lovely letter detailing their mission trip to the Yucatan Peninsula. I particularly like this passage:

"The excitement in their eyes and the smiles on their faces are priceless. The boxes and it's contents are carefully examined, each item is cherished and placed back into the box exactly as it was packed. Some of the children save the paper it was originally wrapped in, picking up every scrap that was torn off when they opened the box."

These children who have very little, cherish this small gift that we gave. I can tell you the look on her face just says it all to me. The look on Kylie's face when she saw the little girl who received her box was priceless. It makes it all worth it for me and I can't wait to do it with both of my girls this year.

If you want to find out more about how you can give to Operation Christmas Child and Samaritan's Purse, please go to www.samaritanspurse.org.

January Reflections

I know its been a long time since I updated.

January was one hectic month for me and my family. It was the start of the new year, I was so gung-ho on my resolutions that this would be a good year. Well, it didn't start off that way.

On January 21st, my Grandma's birthday, Jeff was laid off. I was so distraught. I was upset. I couldn't understand why God would let this happen to us. Thank God that night was prayer service at my church. I went for the first time and I got loved on so much by three wonderful ladies, Ms. Beverly, Ms. Kathy and Ms. Gail. They prayed with me after service and since then God has done a true work on my attitude about this situation. I actually feel good and okay about the lay off. Jeff is getting back into the military. I truly believe that this a good decision especially with the current state of the economy. We were so excited to be out and be "stable" but life since we have gotten out has been anything but.

I am excited for the new prospects for this year. I am determined to start my own business and with the stay of execution on homemade children's products I feel that I can finally start the business that has been tugging at me these past couple of months.

Another traumatic event this month was Kylie deciding to knock her teeth out with her wooden play hammer. This was right after Jeff was laid off and I was again upset as to why this would happen now of all times. But, God again did a work and gave me the last spot in the free children's dental clinic. Wow, what an amazing God I serve. So now Kylie can get her teeth fixed and I don't have to pay anything! God is good!

I feel generally good and uplifted despite my current circumstances. And I can actually say that since I went to that prayer meeting, I haven't been feeling as blue as I had been. God is truly doing a work in my life right now and it feels AWESOME.

I guess maybe for me, my awesome year didn't start with the Christian calendar but with the Chinese calendar. My Dad pointed that out on the phone today. In the Chinese calendar, the new year started on January 26th.

So I look forward to what else this year has in store for me. I know that with the current state of things, I cannot plan for anything. I just have to wait and see what God is going to do in our lives. Which is scary but exciting as well.