Clean Slate

Well, its been more than a year since I last posted to my blog. Its been a while, I know.

I have erased all the old posts and decided to start with a clean slate. Clean slates are good right?

Well many things have happened since I last posted. Jeff came home the day before Thanksgiving 2007. It has been a very bumpy road since. We are having marital problems mostly because we don't know how to be together anymore and also because I am convinced that he suffers from PTSD. He says he doesn't but the signs are there.

He got out of the military in June and has had a really hard time finding a job. With the economy the way it is, and all the competition for skilled workers in Colorado Springs, its not been an easy task. He did finally find something in late September but its only temporary and we don't know when he will find a permanent position.

The transition from military to civilian family has been hard. In many ways, I now see the many positives about being a military family. Its funny that when I was looking out from the inside of it all, I only saw all the crappy things about being a military spouse. There were the constant deployments, my stress level and my kids, doing it alone, etc etc... Now that I'm on the outside I realize that if you are strong enough to handle the deployments, the military isn't so bad. There is the free health care, the job security, and a decent paycheck (though I would not have admitted this before). We were comfortable with his military paycheck and my very part time paycheck. But now, we are struggling. I worry constantly about being able to get something that we need because we really don't have any cushion anymore. We used up all of our savings while he was job hunting and then had to borrow from family.

I know that we aren't the only family that is struggling. The economy sucks right now and evident every where you go.

I have been trying to keep my faith in what God has in store. I keep telling myself that He must have something great in store if all these struggles keep coming my way. I use the word "try" because some days I have more faith than others. Some days the crap level is to the ceiling and I just cant seem to dig myself out. Last week in church, Dr Mike talked about faith during times of hardship. He said that God uses you when times are hardest to show those around you who He really is. He used the example of two disciples who had been beaten nearly to death and thrown in prison and how all they did while they were in that prison was to minister to others in need and sing Gods praises. Wow! Its hard to have a joy filled, faith filled heart when things suck. Its hard to have love and forgive those who hurt you. Its hard to be a true Christian. But you know what they say, nothing worth having is easy.

I am trying so hard to be Proverbs 31. But at the same time, its so hard to be Proverbs 31. Keep praying for me through this journey. Lord knows I need it.