I Need a Job Job Job

So we have been having a lot of financial stress lately. Ever since Jeff has left the Army, things are REALLY tight right now. And now, my hours at work have been scaled back.

I know that the economy sucks but we are already living so tight, I just don't know what to do.

I know what I should be doing is trusting God with my situation. Things aren't looking pretty right now and it's so hard to trust when things are at their dimmest. I just need to find a way to start generating more income. I have hesitated to do this until now because I am already so exhausted. I feel like everything falls on my shoulders when it comes to the home. I feel that if I don't do it, its not going to get done. Jeff does help sometimes with doing dishes but the bulk of the work is left to me. Couple that with parenting responsibilities, financial responsibilities (because I take care of all that too), and work, it just ends up being A LOT.

But right now are finances are pretty much in the red. All I can think of is resentment toward my husband right now. I keep thinking that had he filed his VA claim before he got out of the military, we wouldn't be in this situation right now. He STILL hasn't filed his VA claim.

Financial stress is especially hard this time of year. I love to give during this time of year. Whether it be food baskets or Operation Christmas Child or adopting a local family through my moms group. I love to be able to be a blessing, and it hurts me that I cant be as big a blessing this year as I would like to. I'm afraid that all I will probably be able to do this year is bake some pies for my church's Thanksgiving Feast. I am debating about doing operation Christmas child this year. I'll have to dip into my ever dwindling Christmas Fund for it. We have had to use some of the money I've saved up for Christmas to buy silly things like groceries.

Its like I said before, I'm a control freak. I want to be able to control my financial flow. They keep promising Jeff overtime at work and it never pans out. I pray everyday for God to open a door for us. Whatever that door may be. He knows my needs better than I do.

I have to trust in God. I know that. Maybe this is something that the Lord is trying to teach me. I can remember one day that I specifically told God that I would totally put Jeff's over time into His hands. And I meant it. I felt so good about it. I completely gave it over to God and later that day, Jeff calls me from work to tell me that they are going to give him overtime the next day. If that doesn't say something, I don't know what does. But it's really hard for me to completely give it over to God. I give it over to Him and then I'm okay and at peace with it and then something else comes up. I just feel that every time I feel great and get a leg up, something comes to try to smack me down. And most times, I let it. Most times I stand back like a helpless victim and let it throw me to the ground and stomp on me.

I know that I need to let it go. I keep telling myself that. I'm working on it but it is SO. DARN. HARD.